Purpose and Meaning

The purpose of life is finding your gift, the meaning of life is giving it away.

Accidentally, I read line above while scrolling Path yesterday. I was in a cab with my best friend and we were about to return to the office. It was sunny and humid, just like the other noon in Jakarta. This friend of mine, spent days of hers volunteering, teaching, and sharing, so I guess she was a perfect partner to talk about this. And she definitely felt it, completely agreed.

Finding the gift, then giving it away.

Blame my sensitivity upon things. Lately, there is uneasiness between my thoughts and my feelings. I felt like I did not do what I supposed to do. I lost my time with my beloved ones. I caught up not getting things done. I was feeling trapped by routine.
Then I decided to seek.
Unfortunately, the more I look for everything, the more I get myself lost.

Long story short, that line grasped me. Maybe all we have to do is stop looking. Maybe what we have to do is sharing what we have found. What He blessed towards us all along. What we might forget, what we might abandon just because we are too busy seeking for things we don't know.

No longer looking for anything.
It's time to give it away. I hope you too.

Green Tea Latte Extra Shot

I had ordered it several times until today.

Since that day we walked through the traffic for reaching nearest coffee shop.
Since that day you told me a lot of details about daily life and your personal thoughts. I never thought to stop, even a bit, adoring how you build a story. I wondered how lucky people who were in your league having you spilled beautiful words, in vivid details, in a right time frame, and in an interesting way. For me, your presence was the same as green tea latte extra shot. You two helped me going through difficult days and yes, that felt grant.

At that time, the sun was shining too bright. It soaked us through the window as we sat together, face to face in high chairs. I fail to connect the huge plot of the chats, I just can recall tiny details that I secretly pray not going to fade away as our time rolls. Perhaps that morning was one of best mornings we both ever had. Perhaps morning like that will never happen again tomorrow or years from now on, maybe happiness like that was something plainly borrowed from the coffee shop itself. Perhaps it was just a huge lie, but if it really was, damn, wasn't it the most beautiful lie we ever harbored?


This morning, I'm finding myself contented, sitting alone in a cold rustic chair, holding newspaper, staring blankly at the road through the window.
Now, it is without you. The barista calls my name, mentioning my drink.
It is still green tea latte extra shot.
Do not worry, I never change my mind too fast.

Sampai

Kegelisahanmu bukan kamu sendiri yang rasakan.
Pahit dan getirmu, ataupun tanda tanyamu.
Hati itu bergetar.
Mungkin getarannya sampai kepadaku. Sehingga sakit dan perihmu, juga menghentak dan menyesakkan dadaku.
Setidaknya kamu tidak sendiri.
Mungkin juga getaran itu sampai kepada hati yang lain.
Mungkin juga sakit dan pilu yang kutanggung bukan milikmu yang menyambung.
Bisa jadi kosong dan luka yang ada di dirimu malah dariku.
Bisa jadi aku penyebab gelapmu.


Atau kamu penyebab aku berbisik.