Of course it's not a coincidence that I am inclined to write when my boyfriend's not around. Yes, he is preoccupying my days and nights, besides sleeping, hitting up the gym, working 9 to 5, and eating out with friends on weekend, also some chats with mom and dad. For that reason, I'm having a very little time with myself and it simply turned into a habit; I always feel nervous and anxious when I'm alone with my thoughts, which then again becoming a plague. I believe this is not only my problems, since there are a lot of women out there who used to be very independent then getting needy by time. Maybe I'm not independent too, nonetheless after several hardships because of being needy in the past I'm slightly changing and no longer charging my significant one a duty to create my good vibes. I'm the captain of my soul and loving someone unfolds series of giving, not asking or keeping for the sake of yourself. My boyfriend is one bustling soul. He embodies real man with prodigious dreams thus he has a lot of things to do. When he is occupied, well, like now he is doing live-report for the official instagram of Flag Football Indonesia, I should meet myself and my thoughts completely on a weekend, which hasn't happened for quite some time. Usually, when he's out of town on weekend, I also have agenda to do, like corporate human capital training, or best friend's birthday bash, or being out of town too. Today for me it is an all-home rest day since I caught a flu last week plus stomachache because of having too many spicy and sour food. (Btw, on Monday we got our first anniversary dinner which was far from our casual date :p). After days of loving him, I find out that it changes me much. Perhaps not because of loving him itself, but because I'm growing wiser, too. I try to see love in a different sight. I try to tie my goals to my dreams not to people. I learn how to forgive my bad thoughts or negative vibes when sometimes they creep and haunt but then I let them go and feel good again instantly. Love itself, just like every single thing in this world; joy, sadness, gratitude, stress, good days and so on, is all in your thoughts. It depends on you, how you wanna see it, how you wanna feel it. So I shift my view about lover, from one possession to one great companion, and I keep evoking my mind with belief that before being a good lover for somebody else, I should be a profound companion for myself. Here I am, accompanying myself while missing my boyfriend. No, I'm not nagging, I simply am grateful for being centered while blogging and recovering.
Some anniversary message to Universe: I'm not into rushing stuffs, I'm up for great hundred years ahead with you and of course being one great companion to explore this world.. with tons of love.
btw yesss, I'm inspired from Bieber's newest hits :p
Enjoy your weekend, will you?
