tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17504105580440067422024-02-08T07:35:04.482+07:00Le Jardin SecretFerinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.comBlogger658125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1750410558044006742.post-62010167322710218492018-10-22T00:11:00.000+07:002018-10-22T00:11:18.351+07:00A bit of RomcomMost of guys I've ever dated now are married. To wonderful women? Sure, I guess. No, I'm not saying this in a mellow tune, or certain kind of sadness. It's just like when I realise each person you meet, each person you know actually teaches about understanding yourself better. About knowing your boundaries. About knowing what you want. About knowing what matters. A will see you this way, B will see you that way, which way do you want to believe? I guess the one you are comfortable of being.<br />
<br />
No right or wrong, because your reflection on their eyes are somehow dispersed by their personalities, fears, and hopes, too.<br />
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And after all, after those heart breaks, lonely nights, tears,<br />
after those happy days, laughter, and endless talk,<br />
you will sit comfortably with yourself knowing there will be people who will take you when it's sunny or cloudy. And whether you are here or there. And whether you are going for your dreams, there will be people who respect you <i>wholly</i>, not being hurt or intimidated, not trying to hurt you, and will always respect your choice.<br />
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Love is real, darling. But make sure it doesn't intentionally hurt you.<br />
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<i><br /></i>
<i>Coventry, October 2018</i><br />
FPLFerinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1750410558044006742.post-75255664860232236142018-10-08T20:15:00.000+07:002018-10-08T20:17:55.882+07:00Fall 2018<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I write this as I am sitting inside Curiositea, the lovely small cafe in front of Piazza of The University of Warwick.<br />
Here I am after all, sitting, breathing, ordering Salted Caramel Loaf that turns out tasting perfect.<br />
It's been four years since college, now I'm back on it again. Quite later than the initial plan, though. I was thinking 3-year experience would be enough to hit the book again but life, back then, didn't let me. It asked me to wait.<br />
Fyi, the University of Warwick is not located in Warwick, it is actually located in Coventry. A small quite city in West Midlands, UK.<br />
<br />
Life has been so kind. Every step and decision that led me to come here finally proving why it should be this way, why I needed to be here at the very moment. I'm not talking about finding myself or creating bigger dreams or letting go of what hurts. I'm talking about how I am slowing down my pace, living in a quiet city, understanding people from different cultures, speaking with language that I'm not used to, visiting so many groceries with best friends, cooking my own meals, doing laundry with progressive methods, making new friends that feel like family, acknowledging which people who truly love me and who don't, all of those thing give the life itself meaning more than I ever felt.<br />
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I learn a lot how melancholy is necessary to make life sweet and soft, but having too much of it will not help anything. I learn how my journey is not there to be compared at with anyone else's, still I should not inflict hurt upon others too for the sake of my own happiness. Every good thing leads to another good thing, and that's pretty much what matters for now. As I'm sipping my latte and staring to the Piazza, well, God, thank You. I'm beyond grateful.<br />
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<i>Love,</i><br />
FPLFerinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1750410558044006742.post-89973620048576098792017-11-12T08:46:00.001+07:002017-11-12T09:31:22.625+07:00If You Wonder How I Live without InstagramAfter weeks..or months.. of occupied weekend, I manage to find time to do blog-walking and read light fiction, <i>yass I'm currently reading Rich People Problems</i>. For these past 9 months, life is indeed overwhelming, infuriating, yet majestic. It's all about long trips, endless projects, meetups, and so on. The rest of it left me so drained that I just tucked myself under blanket, sleeping the good weekends off. Apart from the endless events, life also gives me so much things to learn that I would not have it any other way. I'm grateful for bae who is constantly jacking up my vibes and lighting up the day. I'm grateful for finally finding courage to leave a lot of painful things behind, <i>really behind</i>. I'm grateful to finally decide what I want to do with my life and realize that <i>I don't have to do what I don't want to do.</i><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>hilarious and entertaining</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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"I am much better than how I was", <i>just like Taylor Swift said</i>.</div>
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Another thing, I am currently on instagram sabbatical. My friends and family persistenly ask how I live my life without instagram.. Well, I am living my life with less distraction. Gone all the urge to scroll every five minutes. I have time to literally listen to people. I have time to take care for my body and eliminate what is not good. It might not work exactly that way to all people, <i>some of my friends find quitting instagram doesn't do anything to their lives</i>, but I suggest you to try it if you find that you hardly have time for anything you wanna do with your life. One thing I miss from instagram is only picking good filters and posting lovely pictures. ;)<br />
<br />
But then I guess, I can just share those pictures here along with my thoughts. Glimpse of my Friday done right with coworkers. Spending lunch at Omah Sendok, Senopati celebrating one's birthday and chilling with my 13-year-of-friendship best friend at Social House, Grand Indonesia. I savored every moment, I didn't have the need to post any good pictures anytime soon on instagram, for sure.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm9Xpb1ZkzKnh_1AZL47FWWfCuoSxDuF1_Ywsyj3epLXz31cYa_Hn9TqUvXrhRnub-MSp8FtSVKlj2aHuswDg-rG063FBz0QFK_ZZpES45ZFTWktYsE0O2OlYWECrjFbt_hWyd19o-ap7d/s1600/IMG_3341.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="901" data-original-width="1600" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm9Xpb1ZkzKnh_1AZL47FWWfCuoSxDuF1_Ywsyj3epLXz31cYa_Hn9TqUvXrhRnub-MSp8FtSVKlj2aHuswDg-rG063FBz0QFK_ZZpES45ZFTWktYsE0O2OlYWECrjFbt_hWyd19o-ap7d/s640/IMG_3341.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>lunch with a soothing view</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtetmGxwPOpqEz2GgqjdY9AADXY8t8npisOCWk5gtwV3XRFd2-d3MRMXV0SVs5D0iQUYSTyF_Q2xsHuGdEeYVJs8WJgezDDAzFzSqEVe0RI8-X1QgAXjaYElr_6s5ulE_XLnnbdwNQVWmx/s1600/IMG_3355.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="1280" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtetmGxwPOpqEz2GgqjdY9AADXY8t8npisOCWk5gtwV3XRFd2-d3MRMXV0SVs5D0iQUYSTyF_Q2xsHuGdEeYVJs8WJgezDDAzFzSqEVe0RI8-X1QgAXjaYElr_6s5ulE_XLnnbdwNQVWmx/s640/IMG_3355.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>dear beloved coworkers</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixczguAzzLUectRKvfOW5opYISrI3JNGKpH699drzA5G_0j68IEcj7P5Xo_UFrI6829C4DAZQe_ybMeua9IEz4qb3DLUGeLUUpB_CErV6EPD7A5TvQls-yZrwEDWS_pEHpqK-ByGgVKFul/s1600/IMG_3378.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="901" data-original-width="1600" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixczguAzzLUectRKvfOW5opYISrI3JNGKpH699drzA5G_0j68IEcj7P5Xo_UFrI6829C4DAZQe_ybMeua9IEz4qb3DLUGeLUUpB_CErV6EPD7A5TvQls-yZrwEDWS_pEHpqK-ByGgVKFul/s640/IMG_3378.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>chill with another soothing view</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Basically, it's just me taking care of my soul, in order to take care of others, first we have to take care of myself, don't you agree?<br />
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I take my mojo back. Wishing 2K17 and of course the upcoming 2K18 both roll as wonderful as it's always been for all of us. Always spread love and positive vibes.</div>
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Love always,</div>
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FPL</div>
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Ferinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1750410558044006742.post-61852132972451602012017-09-21T15:36:00.000+07:002017-09-21T15:36:30.160+07:00Sweating Small StuffsToday I witness my best friend's courage to do what a man has got to do. I witness how every single thing I complain everyday becomes <i>not </i>significant, or <i>actually </i>never a big deal. I see how a man treasures what he has to go through. I see patience, I see courage, I see everything I think God wants me to see. Sweating small stuffs makes me feel shameful. Of course everyone has got their own journey, but leaving gratitude behind is never graceful. I think a lot about life, but today I get into new perspectives. Love more, forgive quickly, and just move on from anything that hurts. You don't know what tomorrow might bring, you need to relax, kiss more, and enjoy whatever life has to offer.<div>
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Don't sweat small stuffs. Treasure life, it is a gift.</div>
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FPL</div>
Ferinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1750410558044006742.post-37300452176821980812017-06-28T13:44:00.002+07:002017-06-28T13:44:49.323+07:00Solitude is BlissLong holiday with no travel plans. I find comfort in silently thinking about what I want in between. Days of festivity, Eid Al Fitr. I have hard times in forgiving some people but I think that's the real quest, to forgive and just move on with whatever life offers. Stop dwelling and be more pure with our own intentions. I tried to, really, and that made me feel better. Of course, we happen to dislike some people, that is natural. What is not natural is holding onto the grudges and anger within. Since life is not always about you, do you ever think that what those people you hate ever did got nothing to do with you? Sometimes, it's plain about themselves and you don't need to take any credits of that.<br />
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Besides being forgiving, another difficult thing to do is letting go of a strong feeling. I've hold onto it for several months, and now, that I have time and space with myself to try to release it, it is stubbornly stuck with me. I know I've made it my favorite thing, my inner desire, my deepest anchor to get back to the vibes, realizing now I'm just holding on to something which is not quite right. It will take me months to finally get over it, but hopefully it will be easier and quicker.<br />
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Basically, it's PMS season and I'm kinda easily irritated that I cut down communication with people who might get my alarm firing. The only comfort I can find right now is being with myself. That's more than enough and I'm grateful.Ferinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1750410558044006742.post-34885095719382029592017-05-21T20:28:00.004+07:002017-05-21T20:35:38.256+07:00Finding The One<div style="text-align: justify;">
I always wonder what main sign that we can easily use to define someone as the one. Should there be any sparks? Should you giggle all the time around him? Should he become someone who save you from jerks at nightclub? Or can it be as easy as your lunch mate? Or gym buddy? Or someone from your neighbourhood?</div>
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What sign can you easily point out? Or is it exactly like what books and films say, that when you know, you just know?</div>
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I've spent times asking people who already got married about how they finally find the one. Some say they do not really feel like he/she is the one. Some say they just feel like getting married. Some say they are so in love. Turns out, for every individual, finding the one is very personal and you can not just follow what's out there.</div>
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It is really about you and that person.</div>
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One of my best friends who is going to get married soon, one day, on a decent Friday afternoon lunch, gave me one perspective that suddenly changed my mind. I asked her why at the first place she chose the guy she was going to get married with. The answer was very simple, this guy might not be perfect, but he really could accept her in any manner she took, he could handle her at her best, and he also stayed during the worst. Really, that got me thinking.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
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We spent days and nights to think that we can choose, that we can find the one among so many people we meet. What if it should be easier?</div>
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What if there is really <i>only one person</i> who can take you for good or worse?</div>
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Really, would you let that one person pass you by? Don't you love the idea that someone out there in this world, can really accept you, and love you, more than you can handle yourself?</div>
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FPL<br />
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<br />Ferinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1750410558044006742.post-83838677487198761282017-03-25T09:45:00.000+07:002017-03-25T09:45:04.241+07:00March's Been GoodI woke up this morning to a message from a friend, asking several things about his ex. I spilled him the details he needed then carried on with encouraging him to move on. I'm sticking with that belief, relationship should not be so hard, for sure how things happen, whether it is good or bad, is solely based on how we perceive them. A good life is only a good mindset away, well, stoic at its best. I came up with a thought that we really could tell ourselves anything we would want to perceive, and it kinda took me a while to realize that being in good mood, telling yourself good stories, having positive approach in life worked better than the otherwise. Sometimes, we spend so much time being our own worst critic, we tell ourselves things that is limiting and debilitating without realizing those are the ones that break us down, not the problem itself.<div>
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March's been awesome, it's not perfect but it lets life reveal some of its beauty. Beauty of hard work, beauty of patience, beauty of friendship. And at this moment, the peace is lingering on me. Future will reveal itself, I know I always can choose peace, and I'm choosing it over any other things.</div>
Ferinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1750410558044006742.post-3755811050233097862017-03-25T09:30:00.000+07:002017-03-25T09:31:21.720+07:00You Owe It to YourselfLately I realize, no one loves you as good as you can do to yourself. No one can heal your wounded soul other than yourself. Healing needs courage, needs sincere prayer, needs your own decision.. to stop looking back, to do what is good for your soul, and to be honest about it. So when things hardly go your way, you can be grateful, you know that nothing can ever be that bad<br />
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because you have you.<br />
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And you yourself is <i>really </i>enough.Ferinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1750410558044006742.post-85831960933906116442017-02-12T10:27:00.003+07:002017-02-12T10:27:43.725+07:00Self-Love<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Rain’s
falling outside, dripping hard. Jakarta is cold and windy. I’m feeling warm and
blessed. So many things to learn in these previous years, especially these past
three years. Living after college is different. Being adult is different and it
demands another form of mentality. Accepting and dealing with reality is a real
challenge at first, but can be very liberating. To fully aware of your heart
needs, what makes your heart happy and contented. I’m now fully equipped to hug
life again and thrive.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Finally,
happiness is always on your side. You just have to accept and cherish it.
Easier said than done, but it all starts with self-love. Learning how to be
happy and secured from within, not because of A, B, or C. I used to hate
birthdays, because birthdays come with a lot of expectations, and expectations
sometimes overkill. Today, I decide to leave all expectations behind. I let
love flow in its strange, beautiful, enchanting ways. One sincere pray from my
best friend that I find so comforting, is to me finding my own, deep innate
happiness. I realize that I never lack of love from others, but I lack of love
for myself that I can not see what others have given me and I cannot pour what
I have inside.<o:p></o:p></div>
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So
my wish and hope for this year, is to feel the love of life again. To be a kinder person for my surroundings. To reunite
with my true self that’s been long drifted apart because of doubts and fears.
To go for my dreams, drop all my fears of uncertainty, and may this heart always
be in ease, soft, and loving so it can pour to fill others’.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Thank
you Lord for your endless kindness, for the overflowing love, protection, health, for my healthy loving parents, friends, and lover. Thank you thank you
thank you. When life
gives you a lot of things, embrace them; embrace them all with love.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
FPL</div>
Ferinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1750410558044006742.post-22686858308721839262017-02-05T10:43:00.004+07:002017-02-05T10:43:31.507+07:00You and Things You Buy<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Yesterday
I went to have a lunch with my best friend who happened to befriend
with my boyfriend’s coworker. A warm, lovely lunch filled with light jokes also
talks about interesting stocks to buy this following week. After that, I
decided to hop into F21 to pick great-but-cheap hairbands, it turned out they
ran out of it yet they had sale, pay 2 get 1 free for all stuffs so I grabbed
some earrings and necklace, under 5 bucks for 3 items. Then I strolled down to
H&M to get their hairbands, though it was not as good as F21’s.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
It’s
been quite sometime for me to go into those two places since leaving grad
school. Lifestyle shifts, they say. I bumped into group of college gurls, gurls
dragging their parents to the cashier, and I can’t help remembering myself back
then, when I don’t have any money but I was more satisfied with my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I was looking forward to go there with
mum. When happiness had got something to do with money, but not so much. I
enjoyed cheap thrills. I went a date on junk food stall. I only got my frappe
once a month after mum sent me my monthly allowance to live in Depok. Life
pretty much made more sense.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Sometimes
bottomless pit makes everything seems pointless. Too many cups of latte make
you forget how warming it can be. Too many expensive shoes and purses do not
give you joy you always long for. Too much of everything makes everything loses
its meaning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And yes, you will never
feel enough if you don’t stop and realize that you are all blessed in every
step and choice you take.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Maybe
I’m not achieving enough financial freedom to say this, but really, sometimes
you need to get everything you want first to realize, it’s never about getting
everything you want.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I
smiled a lot after that. Of course back then, there were days when I wished I
had got more money, I wished I could afford A, B, C and so on. I relieved to
know that first, you might be able to get things you really want to, but the
second, they won’t make you happy unless you yourself decide that it can make
you happy.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
The
key is to be grateful. But really, I’m considering to live like a grad student
again and save more in 2017.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
Ferinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1750410558044006742.post-78814810747382895652017-01-29T14:10:00.000+07:002017-01-29T14:10:46.975+07:00Instant Needs<div class="MsoNormal">
Seorang sahabat saya belakangan ini sedang ditimpa kejadian
tidak mengenakkan. Hubungannya dengan kekasihnya tidak berjalan baik disertai
tidak adanya kejelasan. Menurutnya, jika dia melakukan <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">effort </i>lebih banyak, maka kejelasan yang ia inginkan itu bisa
segera ia dapatkan. Nyatanya, sampai hari ini hubungan mereka berdua belum
kembali seperti sedia kala.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Begitu banyak hal di keseharian kita saat ini yang
memungkinkan kita untuk mendapatkan apa yang kita mau secara instan. Wanna go on
a date? Download Tinder. Wanna grab some food? Order thru the apps. Wanna have
clear skin? Laser aja, dll. Kemudahan-kemudahan ini sejujurnya didesain untuk
meningkatkan produktivitas kita karena waktu adalah komoditi yang paling mahal
di dunia ini. On the other side.. kita jadi ga bisa menunggu. Kita mau apa yang
kita mau kejadian detik ini juga. Flu? Pop those pills and work until late
instead of getting some fine sleep. Tired? Buy a coffee instead of getting real
sleep. Not fit? Drink and eat anything that can make you feel good. Proses jadi
terasa seperti hal yang melelahkan. Menunggu dianggap sebagai hal yang <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">counterproductive</i>. Kenyataannya,
menunggu kadang termasuk di dalam proses. Menunggu seseorang agar kembali
kewarasannya, menunggu agar sakit di hati sembuh dan bisa sepenuhnya memaafkan,
menunggu dan bersabar. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Saya, seperti sahabat saya tadi, juga memiliki kesulitan
dalam memahami arti proses. Saya mau segalanya instan. Hidung mampet, langsung
minum obat. Kalau patah hati, saya binge-eating atau binge-watching untuk
numbing the pain. Bukan cuma itu, saya suka berharap orang lain bisa cepat
memaafkan kesalahan saya, saya ingin project-project saya kelar lebih cepat,
bahkan saya mendoakan teman saya yang berulang tahun dengan ucapan “semoga
cepat blablabla”. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Padahal, tidak ada gunanya semua terjadi cepat dan instan
jika memang belum momennya.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Salah satu resolusi saya di tahun 2017 adalah menghargai <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">timing</i> dan proses. Tidak lagi terburu-buru
dan ingin semuanya serba cepat. Saya pun berbagi saran kepada sahabat saya, “mungkin
hal yang perlu dipelajari dari pengalaman kamu saat ini adalah untuk bersabar”.
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Yes, trust the moment, when it’s the
right timing, it will happen.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
Ferinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1750410558044006742.post-32723152199561010272017-01-25T09:22:00.000+07:002017-01-25T09:24:01.980+07:00Amounts of Fuck Given<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s amazing how social media amps up the process of
humblebrag. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s amazing too to realize that what happens to her life
has got nothing to do with your life really, but you can’t help being sick of
that kind of attitude. Since, unfortunately, she can be a childhood friend, she
can be your coworkers, she can be nobody you do not know in real life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And in this kind of world, when your daily job and
relationship already demand you tons of fuck given, we somehow get depleted of
those unnecessary things, people who hastily look for recognition from wrong
audience.<br />
OK, maybe it's just me being envious, or malicious, or unkind. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yet, I don’t want to be that kind of person who throws poo in somebody’s party.
There’s just a moment exactly where I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">simply
cannot relate, that’s all</i>. And for that case, I think it’s my part to say, “I
don’t sign up for this”. And just give no shit.</div>
Ferinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1750410558044006742.post-40245122071363778662017-01-22T20:21:00.003+07:002017-01-22T20:24:28.613+07:00Tadi Malam<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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Tadi malam aku bermimpi
tentangmu dan aku tidak bercanda, tidak bohong, tidak mengada-ada. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Sebagian
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bangkit muncul ke permukaan. Kadang bentuknya seperti teriakan dalam mimpi
karena senang bertemu lagi. Kadang dalam rintik hujan di tengah kemacetan,
deras namun <i>stuck</i>, berhenti.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Tadi malam di mimpiku kamu
tidak tertawa.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Kamu berkata-kata dan bercerita seperti biasa. Kamu tidak berubah.
Entah kenapa kamu terlihat biasa saja. Apakah sekarang kamu juga biasa saja?
Aku juga biasa saja, tapi caraku bukan dengan menghapusmu. Caraku adalah tidak
menolakmu muncul ke permukaan.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Caraku membiarkan bagianmu
yang pernah hidup di hariku tidak lagi menggangu kenyataan yang ada, agar tidak didera derita, atau harus merasa kecewa,</div>
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bagaimana pun caranya.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Ferinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1750410558044006742.post-28630275086260954382017-01-22T18:51:00.003+07:002017-01-22T19:54:04.378+07:00Unnoticed Gift<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOdGwY_coWA2lyaRdTbAnsQZvF1bBYxZVJGbCB0b7leRcJrvRWJQA5UlVlOV19dZAuA50T6m5Baa1Yba7AdHkVYOX1liSgqggdDyFFXHLrW727lsgPV37TbTU1FIIElEthfw7IzWG653uK/s1600/original_personalised-leather-wrap-journal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOdGwY_coWA2lyaRdTbAnsQZvF1bBYxZVJGbCB0b7leRcJrvRWJQA5UlVlOV19dZAuA50T6m5Baa1Yba7AdHkVYOX1liSgqggdDyFFXHLrW727lsgPV37TbTU1FIIElEthfw7IzWG653uK/s640/original_personalised-leather-wrap-journal.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
How far can you love somebody? Are you able to
accept their flaws? Are you able to forgive their darkest mistake? Can you bear
with her neediness when you yourself do not feel okay with your life? Can you
strengthen yourself then take care for her wounds?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Or will you run away then leave when things are
uneasy? Will you be able to love somebody when she's in dire need of it, when
she's at the hardest point to be loved?<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I once wrote about asking too much of love,
regarding the fact we may do that every single time. We demand our partner to
be A, to be B, etc. Sometimes we want everything just like what we want without
realising relationship itself is a set of compromise. The idea is not changing
who they are into their perfect circumstances, the idea is accepting them
wholly. After series of stop asking so much, then another chapter appears,
series of embracing who they are, to let loose our expectation towards how our
partners will act and respond. To let loose our expectations of being loved and
be okay with how they treat us. It's not an easy job. Loving someone is not an
easy job that's why some people choose to drop it, to go away, without
realising to love and to be loved in return itself is one beautiful gift.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We fail to recognize the beauty of a gift because
we think we never ask for it. However, isn't it still a gift?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I write this after contemplating that little did we
realize, it's so easy to hurt people who love us because of us being drowned by
our sharp ego. Drop that thing, call your loved one, the one you ever scolded,
the one you hang on the phone, the one you stop talking with cause she's
annoying, the one who never stops loving you though you're hard to be loved.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Remember,
hey, it is a gift for <i>you.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Ferinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1750410558044006742.post-22610992400769630132017-01-19T09:29:00.001+07:002017-01-22T18:53:46.339+07:00Big Heart<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
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It’s so hard to tell yourself and make it believe when
somebody doesn’t want to be the part of your life, or your journey. It’s
difficult to make it understand that friendship should be mutual. Sometimes
what you’re willing to give, the risk you’re willing to take won’t win their
hearts, or make you both mutually happy with the relationship. It takes a great
deal of wisdom to understand that some people do not belong in your life no
matter how hard you try to make it. Some relationships will grow apart, and in
your time, you with your big heart should learn the beauty of acceptance. That’s
another part of being mature. Life doesn’t mean to get you upset. It doesn’t
try to knock you down. Life and the beauty of time will tell what’s best for
you.. Just don’t let it drag you down.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Like one wonderful article I’ve read this morning said, “maturity
begins when drama and dissatisfaction ends'.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let's see life in brighter hues.</div>
Ferinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1750410558044006742.post-84124828467586512612017-01-14T17:40:00.000+07:002017-01-14T18:37:46.903+07:00Get Carrie-d Away<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIGHPQY0CXU9_8Pe4rFLW9XFi9iMJPLRTAIHvJhOz52UFawCE-YONvG7NPXx6fQ1nTZB_xc4yz8nvu63-f1D7XEksMYYEe2eKTbxal1Tp5yVItBIErvFs11Tax-IzrB30jBESVkTywFCKr/s1600/00-holding-sex-and-the-city.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="427" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIGHPQY0CXU9_8Pe4rFLW9XFi9iMJPLRTAIHvJhOz52UFawCE-YONvG7NPXx6fQ1nTZB_xc4yz8nvu63-f1D7XEksMYYEe2eKTbxal1Tp5yVItBIErvFs11Tax-IzrB30jBESVkTywFCKr/s640/00-holding-sex-and-the-city.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Di
akhir tahun<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2016, saya menemukan
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">desire</i> untuk menulis, tepatnya, nge-<i>blog</i> lagi. Bukan
karena gelisah masih <i>single</i> padahal udah ditanyain melulu sama setiap orang yang ketemu dimanapun dan kapanpun, atau
karena banyak mimpi yang tertunda termasuk pingin liburan ke Korea
Utara, atau tiba-tiba jadi <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">enlightened </i><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">karena <i>on strict food combining diet,</i></span> saya pingin menulis lagi karena <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">lately</i> suka <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">binge-watching</i> Sex And The
City, dan so far.. udah sampai di Season 4, waktu Big sudah cerai sama Natasha tapi
masih ga jelas arahannya mau kemana sama Carrie.<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br /></i>
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I know I might be born one decade late to fall for this.. </i>Waktu teman-teman saya
sibuk langganan dan nonton Suits di Netflix, saya malah <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">streaming</i>
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">series </i>jadul yang ceritanya tentang
tante-tante galau.<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br /></i>
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I’m not even their
age, duh</i>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Ngomong-ngomong tentang SATC pasti balik lagi soal Carrie Bradshaw, <i>our heroine. My heroine</i>. Saya mengakui dengan penuh kejujuran, saya memang fans beratnya. Cinta banget banget biarpun dia
dibilang ga cantik lah, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">spoiled</i>, egois, suka selingkuh dsb dsb dan hebohnya lagi kalau kalian mau <i>googling</i> di internet raya ini banyak banget artikel blog atau majalah yang ngereview<i> </i>SATC yang ngasih <i>bad remarks</i> tentang Carrie Bradshaw my hero<i>. </i>Kebanyakan dari artikel itu<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i>bilang gaya hidup Carrie <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">nonsense</i>,
dia ga seharusnya bisa <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">afford</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">living in Manhattan </i>dengan gaji kolumnis
yang nulis seminggu sekali plus masih belanja Manolo…plus dia rada gila karena milih untuk pacaran
sama om-om labil daripada <i>stay</i> sama Aidan, mantannya yang <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">emotionally stable, loving, available</i>, ganteng, dan punya toko meubel kayak Pak Presiden.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Despite those things, </i>alasan utama kenapa <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">series </i>ini menarik buat saya <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">among all the nonsense is, we, maybe not all of us, but some of us, actually really can relate to
what happens within the storyline</i>. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Maxxxing out credit card
for thing months later will be forgotten</i>, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">being fooled by love, choosing the wrong guy, </i>dan lain-lain. Sisi lainnya, bukan sekadar hal foya-foya yang bikin <i>series</i> ini nyaman banget untuk ditonton waktu senggang, justru yang paling <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">relatable</i> untuk saya adalah bagian <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">having real friends that really can be
counted on</i>. Tanpa Miranda yang <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">rigid but vulnerable</i>, Sam yang <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">hypersex</i>
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and also a hardcore</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">feminist</i>, dan Charlotte yang lembut plus
ga nyeleneh, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Carrie would not go through life </i><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">sih</span>. Dia aja pernah ga bisa bayar apartemen karena beli sepatu...<br />
<br />
Itu sih yang bikin betah nontonnya. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">No
matter how far things go wrong, you can always count on your girls</i>. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Well, luckily I also have mine so I really
can relate</i>. Nah, juga di bagian <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">dating
fuckboy </i>dan <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">emotionally unstable guy. </i><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Sebelum Drama Uber Nasional <i>happening </i>di Twitter, cerita ditinggalin waktu sayang-sayangnya ada juga di <i>series </i>ini. </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">:p<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Another reason why
watching it becomes my daily routine is.. Carrie’s job as a lifestyle columnist at New York. No kidding, everytime
she sits down with her Mac on her lap</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">or
in her white desk I really have the urge to write again</i>. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Being shallow about life and its riddles, but true and honest</i>.
Carrie selalu nulis setelah dia <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">brunch </i>cantik
bareng sama sahabat-sahabatnya dan ngebahas sesuatu tentang <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">dating life</i>. Bukannya itu yang biasa
kita lakukan juga sama temen-temen selain gosipin lambe turah? <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">As a woman, we can share and strengthen each
other through sharing</i>. Terus apa <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">next
step</i>-nya? Saya jadi kepikiran pingin nulis tentang <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">relationship guide & dating tips</i>. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i>Syukur Alhamdulillah kalau 5
tahun dari sekarang bisa punya kolom sendiri di Tabloid Nova, kek… <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Namanya juga film, dari dirilis tahun 90an sampai sekarang,
semua tokoh utamanya ga ada yang keliatan tambah tua. Apa karena mereka awet
tua? Charlotte tetep keliatan manis-manis aja di film Sex And The City 2 pas mereka semua liburan ke Abu Dhabi. Sam udah ultah yang ke-50 juga masih
keliatan gaya asyik a la tante-tante 30an… <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Well</i>,
ini juga jadi inspirasi buat saya biarpun gatau ini arahnya positif apa negatif<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Poin menarik lainnya dari SATC adalah <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">don’t give up on love</i>. Ya iyalah, kalau <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">give up</i> bakal udahan dong filmnya? Awalnya saya pikir begitu sampai waktu nonton SATC The Movie terbukti setelah semua pencarian cinta itu
berakhir dan mereka masing-masing udah berbahagia <i>settled</i> sama pasangannya, masih ada problem-problem yang terjadi di dalamnya <i>and again, real friends would not think twice to help you</i>. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">So</i>, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">don’t
ever think marriage ends your quest, it might ignite another one</i>.<br />
<br />
Satu poin penting lainnya, kalau cowo nonton <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">series</i>
ini pasti bakal agak kesel. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Stereotype fuckboy,</i> waktu film ini diputer di HBO istilah itu belum booming kayak
sekarang, digambarkan dengan sempurna, <i>perfecto, al dente </i>kalo <i>spaghetti </i>oleh sosok Mr.Big, pacar on-off-nya
Carrie. Big ini suka, pacaran, putus, nikah sama orang lain, selingkuh sama
Carrie, cerai, tapi ga ngajak balikan, dst….sampai akhirnya di SATC<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Movie, Big ngajak nikah terus batal.
Hebatnya? Mereka tetep nikah pada akhirnya dan dilamar pakai Hangisi di dalam <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">walk-in closet </i>yang Big bangun untuk
Carrie. Walaupun <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">super nonsense</i>, saya
sih akan melarang keras temen saya yang ngeyel mau balikan sama <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">fuckboy</i>. Tapi, lagi-lagi film ini mempromosikan kalau cinta itu nyata, dan pada akhirnya bisa bersatu.. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">even when
you’re dating a real asshole that left you then asked you to get back then you
agreed but then you guys splitted then he got married with anyone else but then
they divorced yet finally he proposed</i>.<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br /></i>
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">One
handsome asshole like John James Preston.. Duh.</i><br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br /></i>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7WNgTdFSnkJiP8a0l6W9i7HKaAYwCWnCbPE4hiiceLhiP-cXfFJ8oKNLmRiSqpmPpXy0wp6gVe2GR0QGv7OzDMwceq26xAUisY6Ht2LU_HTNKjkr_HTe8CQlnaVa9rhSSHK7FIf9m9296/s1600/carrie-bradshaw-mr-big-satc-nsmbl.nl-111.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="353" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7WNgTdFSnkJiP8a0l6W9i7HKaAYwCWnCbPE4hiiceLhiP-cXfFJ8oKNLmRiSqpmPpXy0wp6gVe2GR0QGv7OzDMwceq26xAUisY6Ht2LU_HTNKjkr_HTe8CQlnaVa9rhSSHK7FIf9m9296/s640/carrie-bradshaw-mr-big-satc-nsmbl.nl-111.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">OK, so shall we share
some dating advices?</i><br />
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kalo kata Mr. Big, "</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Abso-fuckin-lutely".<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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Ferinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1750410558044006742.post-60533860837014689412017-01-06T21:12:00.001+07:002017-01-06T21:14:43.198+07:00All of The Things I Don't NeedHappy 2K17! May we all successfully reach happiness we want to attain, may we live our dreams, and get motivated every single day.<br />
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Not gonna bug you with <i>minimalist </i>or <i>vegan way of life</i> yet the title might sound like one. As someone who had been <i>extremely emotionally</i> attached with food, <i>good food, </i>and <i>very good food</i>, picking healthier diet never crossed my mind. I ate what I wanted to eat, whatever it was. As long as it gave me comfort, I'd go for it. Mention all those delicious desserts, cakes, ice cream, all ventis that I drank, whipped cream, and booze. They got me comforted really, I know we all feel the same. Somehow there were problems that I know existing but never taken care of anyway; feeling sluggish, bloated, demotivated, and extremely <i>severe </i>mood swings. In 2015, my indigestion problem bugged me and it was taken care of, <i>with drugs</i> to control it. For addition, I was heavily stressed and unhappy that everything seemed to make the worst out of things. I spent the whole 2016 in an on-off relationship with the drugs prescribed by my gastroenterologist. I never felt really like myself anymore. It started to annoy me, I didn't want to rely on it so I had to change something.</div>
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I quitted consuming instant noodles on November 2015, I used to be a loyal big fan when I was in college, I really could eat them noodles like three times a week and enjoyed them so much. I decided to give it a cold turkey and never returned, I hardly can remember when I had one actually. The thing is, cutting down instant noodle alone would not do a thing. I never had fruits and veggies on my plates. I chose meats and meats and processed food. I drank a lot of sugary coffee with milk. My mood swings and sluggish feelings were still around.</div>
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In mid 2016, I went crazy for coldpressed juice. Despite my efforts, I always questioned why I never felt okay. I questioned why nothing ever changed. I tried all healthy recipe, regular exercises, praying, and stuffs without realizing I never improved two stuffs : my way of eating & my way of thinking.</div>
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Well, I did not become a vegan, I tried food combining.</div>
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Lemon+warm water for liver tonic after waking up, all fruits for breakfast until 11AM, meatless lunch, and no carbs dinner (veggies and chicken/just veggies). No milk, tea, coffee. No refined sugar. No cakes and jellies and chocolate. I started to have fruits for breakfast since last week before new year but has just been strictly following the food combining diet for two days and I've been feeling....hmmm, healing crisis. The body yelled for more sugar and sweets and meats. I still felt bloated. But the sluggish feeling has gone, the mood swings also magically disappeared. It is really amazing how food affects your body, and yes, I feel more energized.</div>
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Sure, it is not danggg easy. Some of friends found it confusing why I, the spiritual coffee person, ditched latte after lunch. They also found it weird how I skipped meat, poultry, and fish during my lunch. The withdrawal is hard, got you dizzy, but somehow the social issues are even more difficult to deal with. I never feel like explaining it anyway to those who will annoy me. I would just happily explain to those who wanted to learn.</div>
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That's the thing I never thought I did not need.</div>
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Add some grudges, jealousy, loneliness, heartbreaks, insecurities, and regrets.</div>
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Those are things I never realized that I did not need.</div>
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So, what unncessary things have you dropped with the passing 2016? </div>
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Love,</div>
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FPL</div>
Ferinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1750410558044006742.post-91498791976113883532016-11-28T18:09:00.001+07:002016-11-28T18:09:32.470+07:00Lessons LearnedIt's almost December. I look back to everything that I've been thru and I might say that 2016 is not mediocre. I'm fully grateful for whatever I've been thru, all feelings that try to stop me, those banal fears, and sense of hopelessness also insane worries. I don't know how it would be without His neverending support, His reach, His presence. I don't know how it would be without beloved closest circle and lovers who never cease to share some love and healing words. How 2016 rolled taught me enormous amount of lessons, that the most important thing you ought to have is inner peace and relaxed mind. Sometimes things get hurt, people will be selfish, but you know you have a choice to be okay and stick with what should be done.<br />
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I learned to forgive in a very hard way. I learned that some people will never forgive what I've done but that is also not something to be carried within my heart.. I learned to let things bloom in their perfect timings. I learned to accept that life is not perfect but we can still make the best out of it. I learned that some love is so true, some just don't, but that is, again, not a problem. I'm glad for this heart of mine that never grows tired, that can bounce back from disappointment, that is strong enough to learn and live fully, wholeheartedly.<br />
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I promise myself I will be better, I promise myself I will forgive, I promise myself I will grow. I hope you do, too.<br />
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FPLFerinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1750410558044006742.post-15691343284121226902016-11-26T19:44:00.002+07:002016-11-26T19:44:50.650+07:00ComfortingEntah kenapa <i>mood </i>nulisnya malam ini pakai bahasa Indonesia dan sambil ngedengerin Melly Goeslaw. Cinta much? Iya, lagunya juga yang judulnya Bimbang yang emang <i>soundtrack-nya </i>AADC. <i>Well, I'm not feeling that romantic though, but nights in on a </i><i>Friday night seems suitable to write total rambling about love</i>. Tadi sore, gue terlibat perbincangan <i>nonsense </i>dengan seorang teman yang bilang kalau dia sekarang udah ga cari pasangan yang sempurna, tapi cari yang nyaman. Kedengarannya sederhana dan bikin adem, ya? <i>Matter fact</i>, <i>it is easier said than done</i>. <i>When you first met your now-partner, </i>mau ga mau pasti yang pertama lo nilai adalah penampilannya, baru kemudian karakter dan kebiasaannya. Poin pertama aja udah <i>tricky </i>banget. Ada cowo yang ganteng dan asik tapi ternyata ngebosenin diajak ngobrol, ada cewe yang demen banget dandan ternyata dapat beasiswa S2 ke Amerika, dan banyak lagi. Begitu poin pertama lulus, ada poin kedua. Poin kedua ini baru bisa kelihatan dengan berjalannya waktu. Udah sering chat, sering makan bareng, udah mulai tahu deh menu favoritnya, apakah dia kesel kalo makanannya lama banget dianter waktu di restoran, apakah dia suka nyela rasa makanan yang kurang pas di lidahnya, apakah dia mau <i>share</i> makanan kesukaannya sama kamu. <i>Some excerpts of the character. </i>Lalu yang ketiga, kebiasaannya. Ternyata suka bohong, ternyata suka ngelaba cewe-cewe di kantor...<br />
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Balik lagi ke konteks "nyaman" yang menurut temen saya <i>more simple</i> dibanding cari yang sempurna. Buat saya, itu pun ga lebih mudah. Pada dasarnya, cinta itu ya <i>mere </i>perasaan aja. Kalo udah lanjut dibawa ke <i>relationship</i>, ke sebuah hubungan, baru deh ribet karena ada kata baru yg muncul.. komitmen. Komitmen ini yang bikin jatuh bangun jadi dijalanin aja, ada cowo yang lebih oke dilewatin aja, dikenalin sama orang baru yang kece banget tapi ga dideketin, dst. Butuh keberanian buat berkomitmen dan tentunya komitmen bukan milik semua orang.<br />
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Tulisan ini sebenernya udah jadi draft berdebu beberapa minggu yang lalu. Tersimpan manis bareng coret-coretan lain yang kemudian ingin gue lanjutin. Bukan sebagai bagian dari komitmen, tapi bagian dari curhatan aja.<br />
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Saya sendiri masih naif dan melulu mencoba cari yang sempurna. Gimana dong kalo kesempurnaan sebenernya adalah kenyamanan itu sendiri? Gimana kalo ternyata kenyamanan itu datangnya dari diri sendiri bukan dari orang lain? Peernya jadi balik lagi ke diri sendiri. <i>Securing yourself first, be contented with it, and one comfortable love will come naturally.. yes?</i>Ferinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1750410558044006742.post-50685595826138858862016-10-07T15:47:00.000+07:002016-10-07T15:47:38.248+07:00StarboySometimes in life, you will meet that kind of guy who does not want a relationship, but always seems like wanting intimacy. He will be lovely, nice to talk to; he seems listening and all there. He is also interesting and he knows well that he is interesting. Well, he doesn't seem interested so much in you. That's his magic magnet. You'll question a lot about him. He seems eager, he seems off. He acts nice. He disappears. He doesn't want to look idle. He doesn't want to do so much. He will cancel the plan. He will get back with the plan. He seems like cannot decide... but well, he can.<br />
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You will meet that kind of guy, but if he really can not decide<br />
I remind you.. Well, you can. You always can.Ferinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1750410558044006742.post-74051198035428020142016-09-19T18:42:00.005+07:002016-09-19T18:53:31.259+07:00We are Asking So Much of LoveAfter a long day out of the office, having tension headache because of skipping morning run, nothing offers me more peace better than sitting down on a new cafe with a very impressive internet connection & a cup of hot chamomile tea. I'm just plain grateful.<br />
I've been spending some time reading Elizabeth Gilbert's novel revolving around marriage titled Commitment. Written after Eat, Pray, Love, basically it was about a skeptic who is looking for deeper answer about marriage and easing her fear of commitment, post her spiritual journey to Italy, India, and Indonesia. I love how Liz writes, but not really praising on her way to find enlightenment. Not because of anything, simply because that doesn't fit me.<br />
Well, I'm dealing with bad times too but until now it hasn't crossed my mind to ditch my current partner or leave my job in search for something that can fulfill me. Or maybe I just don't have that kind of courage.<br />
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I'm still on the chapter two, but the chapter one really got me. It is titled Marriage and Expectations. In that chapter, Liz explained how she, well, later we can correlate, that we are asking for so much of love. We want our partners to inspire us, we want them to be the seed of our happiness. At first, we think that is a simple request. We ask a little. We want to be happy. We want to be happy because of you, <i>our partner</i>, without realizing it really is <i>so much to ask for</i>.<br />
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Our modern society now pushes us to look further out of something that might not change from some years a go. Back then, women might find having secured partner who is financially reliable as enough. Compared to current situation, it was easier to quantify, it was easier to achieve, too. Now, we demand for <i>happiness</i>, <i>soaring love and joy</i> that we hope we can find from our partner. Little did we understand that <i>happiness</i>, when relied on to other person, is never simple. It cannot be measured, pretty much abstract. That is why, we are all asking so much of love, to be complete, contented, and <i>happy</i> because of our significant other.<br />
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I'm not suggesting you to drop down the expectations. That is us, we were raised and grown with that. Believing we can achieve high, yet we also sacrifice the contentment for the sake of it. Based on that fact, I try to shift my perspectives of love through releasing my expectations of <i>joy </i>from it. Not that I don't want to be happy, I just don't want it to come <i>only</i> from my significant other. I don't wanna get into false trouble from asking so much from the wrong thing. Anyway, maybe happiness can be much simpler and easier to feel when we ask it from ourselves..and a cup of hot chamomile tea after a long day at work.<br />
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FPLFerinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1750410558044006742.post-13617759430072042632016-09-13T10:21:00.001+07:002016-09-13T10:21:50.743+07:00Running in VoidHaving daily fitness routine helps me a lot going thru uneasy feelings. You know being 23 is hard when you are hard on yourself, the biggest challenge always comes from our own doubts and critical thinking.<br />
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Whenever I'm sad, I know running and yoga always can be my savior. Melancholy cannot befriend healthy, powerful body though sometimes the sense of burden and difficulty to face the day are still there, haunting me. That's the left brain doing its job, though. And I'm not blaming it for being so active. It has been doing its wonderful job since I knew I had it. It helps me through, to settle a wonderful job-full of new things, not boring, and a bunch of great coworkers-, to create something. Yet, sometimes it haunts me with overworking for nothing productive, let's call it <i>overthinking, over-analysis, </i>and <i>worrying, </i>which are all exhaustive.<br />
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I spend my morning at the gym running for 5 kilos while listening to John Mayer's Continuum. It's been 10 years since the album was launched, I still like John Mayer to bits, and the songs? The songs soothe my uneasiness. I'm far from feeling alright but I still can run and I'm deeply grateful for it. Some mornings are more difficult to deal with compared to other mornings. I keep reminding myself that my left brain is only doing its job, and yes, chill, everything's fine. <br />
<br />Ferinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1750410558044006742.post-81763663357245479272016-09-03T09:18:00.000+07:002016-09-03T09:20:37.537+07:00Vulnerability to FlawsQueen B says it all in her song, <i>Pretty Hurts</i>, that perfection is a disease of a nation. To some people who live with perfectionism, that can not be more true. Last week was pretty rough for me. Starting on last weekend, things feel like going downhill and I, myself, fail to take a look with bigger perspectives. Thank God, everything later on feels much better after some deep reflection through company of my beloved ones, family and lovers.<br />
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Without blaming my parents, I grow up with touch of perfectionism. My mother is a major perfectionist, she puts all dinnerware, basically everything, in order, that makes her of course the best mother to me, since my home always feels like home... I always find everything easily. She lives with her standards, it passes on me, the sense of guilt and attachment to make all things perfect. Makes everything go according to plan. And it is very hard not to be it. Growing up with perfect scores, live was so simple back then when all I have to be is just a prodigal kid. Acing school, acing college and all of organisations. Life, now, is different. There is more room in which out of my control, many variables that I cannot assure how it will turn out no matter how petty I plan. Dealing with people who are uneasy and not amusing at all to deal with. At this point, I just dig in that my perfectionism is more holding me back rather than pushing me forward.<br />
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The sense of being in control gives you power, but the truth, the only thing you can control well is only yourself. I keep reminding myself to be more accepting to flaws and all vulnerability that I carry, and slowly at a time let loose of all things that are out of my control; the first and foremost is other people's behaviour. Sometimes I realise I easily let other people upset me. When they act not like what I think, when they do not deliver what they should deliver, when again..things cannot go according to <i>my </i>plan. It hurts me. Not literally, but I allow it to put a pain on me.<br />
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Yesterday I strolled down Aksara and found a very good book with one on point passage;<br />
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<i>Your outlook on life is deeply entwined in your propensity for success. Miserable blowhards can achieve, however they still wind up miserable. That's not success. Success is doing what you love and being happy about it. To learn how to get a better handle on your perceptions, emotions, and behaviour, it is useful to look at how you think</i>.<br />
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As September starts and reveals one by one all questions I've been wondering, that passage is one of the answer. In this matter, perfectionism gives success turmoil that does not enhance the impact. An important note to wisely leave it behind and try to fall in love with the dynamic of imperfection..<br />
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Have yourself a restful weekend.<br />
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FPL<br />
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<br />Ferinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1750410558044006742.post-20334949803419536552016-08-14T17:33:00.001+07:002016-08-14T17:34:00.334+07:00ParanoiaTiga hari yang lalu aku mengirimkan pesan kepadanya. Lewat <i>instant messaging </i>yang ramai digunakan anak kuliahan jaman sekarang. Aku bukan anak kuliahan, dia juga bukan. Pesan itu langsung ia baca, langsung ia balas. Beberapa hari sebelumnya kami tidak saling bercerita. Bagaimana bisa? Dia sibuk dengan dua hal. Pekerjaannya, kemudian kekasihnya.<br />
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Tidak seperti kisah-kisah kebanyakan, aku tidak mengenalnya dari media sosial yang harus di-<i>swipe </i>ke kanan atau ke kiri. Aku mengenalnya tidak sengaja. Seperti meminum air yang sudah diminum orang lain di undangan pernikahan karena diletakkan berdekatan dengan yang belum diminum. Sudah satu tahun aku mengenalnya. Dia tidak minum kopi dan tidak merokok. Aku sering mempertanyakan dalam hati bagaimana mungkin dia bertahan menghadapi peliknya dunia tiada maaf ini tanpa secangkir kopi mahal dan sekotak rokok <i>menthol</i>?</div>
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Seperti ketakutanku pada beberapa hal yang <i>nonsense</i> dan mengganggu, dia juga sesuatu yang ingin aku lewatkan. Beda dengan ketika aku masih sekolah SD atau SMP. Aku selalu takut banyak hal, tapi dengan mudah aku dapat melupakannya dan kembali menikmati hari-hariku. Semakin bertambahnya usiaku, semakin sulit bagiku untuk melupakan hal-hal yang ingin aku lupakan. Bukan karena ingatan yang bertambah <i>intense</i>, hanya saja <i>childlike mindset </i>untuk mengeksplor hal-hal baru jadi kurang terasah.</div>
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Setahun sudah aku berhasil untuk tidak terlalu memikirkannya. Pencapaian luar biasa itu rusak karena minggu lalu kami tidak sengaja bertemu di suatu tempat yang tidak begitu jauh dari kantorku. Tidak banyak hal yang spesial, tapi untuk pertama kalinya dalam setahun belakangan aku kembali merasakan rasa penasaran yang <i>euphoric. </i>Rasa yang menghantuiku kembali, tapi tidak ku lawan karena aku tahu itu akan hilang dengan sendirinya ketika waktu terus bergulir.</div>
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Lucu rasanya duduk di rumah sendirian sambil mendengarkan rintik hujan di sore hari. Mengapa ketika orang menghilang dia tidak bawa sekalian perasaan yang disebabkannya? Aku duduk bersama paranoia-ku, sedikit rinduku, juga gumpalan keinginanku untuk bertanya. Tiga hari yang lalu ia mengajakku bertemu hari ini. Tidak ada cerita lebih lanjut mengenai hal ini. Aku beranjak ke dapur, menyeduh secangkir <i>white tea</i>, dan memaafkan kealpaannya.</div>
Ferinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1750410558044006742.post-77292802557476016172016-08-14T13:05:00.001+07:002016-08-14T13:49:44.443+07:00Dear The OverthinkersThere are people who tends to think about everything.<br />
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The ones you can talk to for hours about almost everything; especially about life and their point of views, the ones who yearn for wisdom and life secrets. The ones who run their thoughts during commuting or spare times. The ones who find it hard to sit with quiet mind.<br />
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Sometimes, you will find those people witty, full of interesting criticism, fun to be with. But sometimes, you might also find them..tiring. Always in quest of something that is difficult to be assessed.<br />
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Yesterday, I spent my late afternoon with my best friend who also belonged to the <i>thinkers</i>. She told me once that one of her friend told her, "wow.. It would be so tiring to live a life like yours." That kinda struck me. One day before, my boyfriend said the thing that was quite similar to that. "<i>I know you love to think about everything so much, but are you happy with that?</i>"<i>. </i>Those statements linked me back to a famous saying, <i>your quality of life is only as good as your quality of thoughts</i>. There is always the dark side of everything, including within these thinkers; when it is done <i>too much</i>, it costs them perpetual bad mood or sorrow, sometimes it costs them low self-esteem, sometimes it costs them lack of being present.. they are consumed with their own thoughts, which sometimes are not always true.<br />
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I could not deny, I honestly have been through times how overthinking got me bad days. It stole my sanity and my joy. Reflecting on them statements, I vow to direct myself thinking about more useful things. Something comforting and empowering. To be more present and <i>"not always looking forward to". </i>To know when to stop when the rambling and ranting start to steal my present. To be calm and enjoy whatever life brings, without questioning so much.<br />
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Thinking is good, it shows that you pay attention and you care, but thinking without actually doing the right action will not bring anything, will not benefit you or your surrounding. Those thought will just whirl within and make you tired. I deeply believe that something good when it is done too much can cause damage. I don't suggest the thinkers to stop asking questions, I don't discourage myself to think, I suggest the overthinkers, like me, to live more fulfilling life through <i>thinking good thoughts </i>and <i>doing real action</i>. I believe God gives us the trait for some useful reasons, so let us use it wisely. Wisely means.. knowing what to keep and what to let go, in this case, letting go all of those obsessive harmful thoughts and be more happy inside out through doing real thing. To live happily and fruitful.<br />
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FPL<br />
<br />Ferinda P Lestarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11117255178907901412noreply@blogger.com0