Vulnerability to Flaws

Queen B says it all in her song, Pretty Hurts, that perfection is a disease of a nation. To some people who live with perfectionism, that can not be more true. Last week was pretty rough for me. Starting on last weekend, things feel like going downhill and I, myself, fail to take a look with bigger perspectives. Thank God, everything later on feels much better after some deep reflection through company of my beloved ones, family and lovers.

Without blaming my parents, I grow up with touch of perfectionism. My mother is a major perfectionist, she puts all dinnerware, basically everything, in order, that makes her of course the best mother to me, since my home always feels like home... I always find everything easily. She lives with her standards, it passes on me, the sense of guilt and attachment to make all things perfect. Makes everything go according to plan. And it is very hard not to be it. Growing up with perfect scores, live was so simple back then when all I have to be is just a prodigal kid. Acing school, acing college and all of organisations. Life, now, is different. There is more room in which out of my control, many variables that I cannot assure how it will turn out no matter how petty I plan. Dealing with people who are uneasy and not amusing at all to deal with. At this point, I just dig in that my perfectionism is more holding me back rather than pushing me forward.

The sense of being in control gives you power, but the truth, the only thing you can control well is only yourself. I keep reminding myself to be more accepting to flaws and all vulnerability that I carry, and slowly at a time let loose of all things that are out of my control; the first and foremost is other people's behaviour. Sometimes I realise I easily let other people upset me. When they act not like what I think, when they do not deliver what they should deliver, when again..things cannot go according to my plan. It hurts me. Not literally, but I allow it to put a pain on me.

Yesterday I strolled down Aksara and found a very good book with one on point passage;

Your outlook on life is deeply entwined in your propensity for success. Miserable blowhards can achieve, however they still wind up miserable. That's not success. Success is doing what you love and being happy about it. To learn how to get a better handle on your perceptions, emotions, and behaviour, it is useful to look at how you think.

As September starts and reveals one by one all questions I've been wondering, that passage is one of the answer. In this matter, perfectionism gives success turmoil that does not enhance the impact. An important note to wisely leave it behind and try to fall in love with the dynamic of imperfection..


Have yourself a restful weekend.

FPL