31.12.14

Prayer

In this end of year, I need time to think, and all I do is thinking, beside of sleeping.

Most of the time because I feel too much I rarely can handle it. I'm grateful to bits for what God has given to me. For a year full of abundance and answers. The point is I don't want to rush anything. Rush to start, rush to stop. Let's all the rushing end with 2014. I'm gonna take deeper breaths whenever things get rough, I'm gonna focus on what's next rather than seeing back. I'm gonna commit to my jobs, to my beloved ones, and yeah to my words.
I'm gonna be grateful for each of God's refusal, believing His plans are always more mightier than mine.

All wounds of this year will be healed. People will move on.
Hi, 2015. May we all be blessed with big heart, love, joy, prosperity, abundance of health and money so we can do whatever that makes us happy..plus contented.
Always, always, love. It wins.

Love,
FPL

28.12.14

Ku Temukan Namanya

Ku temukan namanya dalam buku favoritku. Baru saja ku beli dan baru saja kubuka bungkusnya. Aroma kertas baru masih menyeruak. Jilid buku itu kaku dan pinggir halamannya masih tajam. Aku tersenyum getir seraya menutup kembali lembarnya. Ku coba untuk mencari ketenangan dari kumpulan kisah sedih yang barang kali dapat menghiburku. Terkadang, kesedihan itu terasa sangat nyaman. Ia menggerogoti segala harapan tapi membuatku enggan untuk bergegas bahagia. Entah bagaimana, malah namanya yang pertama ku lihat. Seakan semesta tidak puas menertawakan aku dan leluconnya.

Ku buka kembali buku baruku yang tadi sempat ku tutup. Aku tersenyum lagi, kali ini lebih baik, teringat malam dimana aku memutuskan untuk tidak lagi mencintainya. Bukan sekadar karena dia tidak mencintaiku, tapi karena aku ingin melihat dia bahagia. Entah dengan siapa atau dengan wanita yang tidak akan menyakitinya dengan balasan dingin atau jawaban singkat, dengan tidur yang terlalu cepat, atau emosi yang luar biasa mendesak. Aku kemudian teringat lagi akan hari dimana aku memutuskan bahwa mungkin saja, atau pasti, ada wanita lain di luar sana yang lebih bahagia mendengar telepon berdering darinya. Wanita yang akan terjaga dan tersenyum ketika dia pulang larut. Wanita yang akan menemaninya meminum kopi-kopi bohongan itu sambil menunggu hujan reda. Menunggu kabarnya yang sibuk sekali demi sepatah dua patah kata halo. Memeriksa apakah dirinya sudah makan. Dan semua-semua yang sering kali aku lewatkan. Semua-semua yang tidak lagi sanggup untuk aku lakukan.


Ku teruskan ke halaman berikutnya. Aku tersenyum lagi. Kali ini lebih lama dan lebih bijaksana.
Ah, mungkin lain kali, melihat namanya akan menjadi biasa saja.


Desember 2014

26.12.14

This is what I lately try to resolve.
Good manners. Sometimes I wonder how someone can be extremely elegant and poise without being too much. The answers is a compact mix between attitude and good manners. Knowing what to say, when to say, and when to stop. Acknowledging your surrounding, having great composure, and simply being awesome.
The hardest part is not to judge. I mean, when others do not live the way your life to roll, that does not mean they are lower than you or anything, yet having a firm principal towards things you want to achieve is a must.
Well,  I'm trying.
We are imperfect human beings, covered with worries and restlessness.
Running from things we want, hiding from our dreams.
We seek comfort, we make comfort as our refuge. We got stifled by future, choked by past.
We never realize we chase after tomorrow.
We never feel we have enough.

There is something we all look for, balance.
One thing we might forget, we regain. Everything that goes up, someday must go down.

On a Rainy Day


On my working days, I always imagine that an ideal day for all of us is a day on bed, sleeping for quite hours, waking up into the rain, and then carrying on sleeping.
Today is the day like that, unless I am now struggling with mini headache and dizziness because of waking up way too late.
It seems funny just because things you firstly imagine and long for because of seeming good turn out not really well, but hey, can we just be grateful for a moment and stop complaining?
I read my latest post titled Eavesdropping and I kinda sensed my natural wit on writing fading away...which was bad. If there's only one thing I can do to make me feel better other than deep talk with best friends is writing and then reading fine books and then..going for a walk alone. I'm planning to give blogging another shot rather than just keep thinking without exactly creating something.
Bless me, it's the happiest time of the year so just... yeah, be happy.

A bit of Romcom

Most of guys I've ever dated now are married. To wonderful women? Sure, I guess. No, I'm not saying this in a mellow tune, or certai...