Diary of A Riddiculous Writer (2)

No way return back now, semoga Yang Maha Kuasa menghargai perjuanganku dan segala tetes keringat juga pegalnya tangan demi menciptakan tugas-tugas gambar yang sama sekali tidak menarik untukku. Ayah dan Ibuku memilihkan Arsitektur sebagai jurusan yang harus kuambil untuk satu alasan konyol. Mereka ingin aku membangunkan sebuah rumah dengan gazebo untuk mereka. Astaga! Toh, tanpa harus jadi arsitek pun sebenarnya aku bisa membangunkan mereka sebuah rumah cantik plus bunga warna-warni dan gazebo, asal……… ada uangnya.
Inspirasi tak kunjung datang ke otakku. Buntu. Ingin rasanya kutelepon Kai sekedar minta pencerahan ide. He’s my muse for sure. Tapi ngapain jugaaaaaaaaa? He left me for some untold reasons and that fact hurt a lot. Kuteguk kopi dalam mug Aquarius-ku banyak-banyak. Kenapa sih semua orang menyarankanku untuk menulis sebuah sekuel? Apa yang harus kulakukan lagi terhadap seorang motivator kondang asal Kepulauan Karimun?
Aku ingin membuat cerita yang baru. Yang full of thriller. Tapi sama sekali minus ide. Apa yang salah sih denganku? Maaf ya Tuhan, bukan berarti aku tidak bersyukur… tapi ini semua menyebalkan sekali.
Pernah terbersit di otakku untuk mengambil seutas tali rafia dan mengakhiri semuanya, tapi toh tali rafia tidak akan cukup kuat untuk menarik nyawaku dan aku tidak akan menghabiskan uangku yang pas-pasan untuk sekedar beli tali tambang dan bunuh diri. I’m not a loser, you know. Aku masih ingin membenahi semuanya, meskipun sulit.
Tok! Tok! Tok!
Terdengar ketukan di pintu depan.
“Masuk aja, gue lagi sibuk, men” teriakku. Lalu muncullah sosok laki-laki itu, yang tidak pernah lepas dari jaket kulitnya. Kulit wajah putih tanpa jerawat namun sangat pucat seperti mayat. Rambut ikalnya itu jarang disisir, dan kaos favorit di dalam jaketnya adalah kaos Rolling Stone keluaran Junkfood hadiah dari papa mamanya yang tinggal di USA. Namanya Eriol. Aneh ya? Kayak tokoh kartun di Card Captor Sakura. Kayak nama pembersih lantai kamar mandi. Tapi aku lebih suka memanggil dia Er. Tetanggaku yang satu ini jarang sekali ngomong, tukang pinjam-tapi tidak mengembalikan, lebih tua dua tahun dariku dan pernah ambil Diploma in Performing Arts di NAFA. Tapi tetap bergaya a la gembel. Dia seorang ex-junkie. Maklum pemusik. Sekarang sih sudah tobat, tapi belum juga rajin salat.
“Mau pinjem apa?” tanyaku sinis tanpa meliriknya.
“Gak, mau numpang mandi” jawabnya santai sambil ngeloyor masuk kamar mandiku.


to be continued

Diary of A Riddiculous Writer (1)

Writer’s Block itu sangat wajar, kan?. Tapi kalau sudah melampaui 3,5 bulan………… Keterlaluan. Ya, bukan hanya karya-karyaku saja yang berhenti bertelur, tapi juga hidupku. Tiga setengah bulan terasa begitu panjang, sepi, kosong, dan rutin.
Semua berjalan terlalu rutin sampai-sampai ingin rasanya kulempar laptop di depan mukaku ini jauh-jauh. Seorang mahasiswi arsitektur yang sibuk dengan sekuel novel bestsellernya tentu sesuatu yang enak didengar, tapi tidak jika ditambahkan pacar yang minta putus tiba-tiba, kesepian, dan ayah ibu yang selalu saja beda pendapat di masalah finansial.
Semua tahu, kuliah di universitas swasta yang bagus memang jauh dari kata murah, tapi itulah resiko yang ayah dan ibuku ambil. Mereka menggagalkan mimpiku untuk mengambil full-scholarship untuk kuliah di Inggris jurusan Sastra Gothik. Ya Tuhan, apa salahnya belajar Sastra Gothik?
Mimpi pertamaku dicoret mentah-mentah oleh mereka, begitu juga mimpi yang kedua, bertemu Chris Martin. Jelas mimpi kedua tercoret karena Inggris sekarang jadi terasa jauh lagi dari dekapan. Aku penggemar berat Coldplay. Jangan ragukan koleksi CD dan Kaset Coldplay-ku. Lengkap kap kap kap bahkan sampai ke versi karaoke bajakan karya Glodok.
Mimpi ketigaku………. Memalukan sekali untuk diakui, tapi aku… ingin berhenti kuliah lalu menikah dengan kekasihku yang mahasiswa kedokteran itu. Yang kabur dari hidupku hanya dengan alasan aku bukan wanita yang dia cari.
Perfect.
Memang sih, di antara hectic-nya hidupku masih ada secercah harapan. Novel pertamaku yang bercerita tentang seorang perantau dari Kepulauan Karimun yang akhirnya sukses jadi motivator terkenal laku keras tanpa alasan yang jelas dan jadi bestseller. Dengan profit novel itulah aku memutuskan untuk nge-kost saja. Dengan alasan keadaan di rumah kurang kondusif untuk membuahkan karya-karya hits lainnya, ayah dan ibu pun akhirnya mengizinkan aku untuk menjalani hidup baru di kost-an ini.
Sebenarnya sih ini bukan benar-benar rumah kost. Lebih seperti town house, namun dengan ukuran lebih kecil dan fasilitas yang lengkap. Lumayan, paling tidak hidup bisa terasa lebih nyaman dan aman.
Ada yang pernah bilang, kuliah arsitektur itu untuk orang yang sudah bisa menggambar, bukan untuk yang ingin belajar menggambar. Jujur aja, satu-satunya gambar yang mahir kugambar hanya dua bongkah gunung dengan sungai melintas miring ke pertengahan dua gunung dan sawah di kanan-kirinya. Me-nye-dih-kan.
Kulirik ponselku, tiada kabar. Masih kosong. Terhitung hari ini, sudah 78 hari Kai hilang begitu saja. Masih terngiang di otakku dan melintas tepat dalam buncahan emosiku malam di mana ia mengakhiri semuanya. Kami baru saja selesai nonton 300 di bioskop dan entah karena muak lihat banyak darah (ga seharusnya sih, dia kan calon dokter) atau apa... Dia ingin mengakhiri hubungan kami yang sudah berjalan 2 tahun lebih.
Well, it’s all his lost. Tapi aku tetap kehilangaaaaaaaaaaan! Biarlah, pergi sana yang jauh. Absennya Kai dalam hidupku memang nyaris mengubah segalanya. Kecanduan kopi, insomnia, gila kerja, dan penyendiri. Itu sebagian dari perubahanku yang kusadari. Sisanya males deh menyebutkannya.
Ya, aku belum memperkenalkan diriku. Namaku Serene. Bukan Serena, seperti yang di Gossip Girl ataupun merk mobil. Sembilan belas tahun, pekerjaan sambilan jaga toko CD di depan town house, Ambience, setiap hari Selasa, Rabu, dan Kamis dari jam 17.00-22.00. Jago masak, biarpun jiwa eksperimental masih kurang dan….. single.


to be continued

Yang Terlewatkan

Mungkin salahku,
Melewatkanmu,
Tak mencarimu, sepenuh hati...

Maafkan aku...

A chorus that spins in my head and runs from my lips this whole day.

Young and Restless

Is that true that teens are undeniably restless?

Well, hard to say, but I'm kinda the ordinary teens. Thinks too much, but less practical in fact.
Plans are made to be procrastinated and also promises. They are made to be broken.
Once, we do those things such as procrastinating or breaking promises, we'll plunge into the troubles. But we still do them. Why?

'cause we're youngsters, Fellas.

Okay, in the real life, not all youngsters are restless. Some are very well-prepared, well-planned, live in order they do everyday. I'm used to be it, but I change. Why? I found out that life's more than preparing everything. Life's more that what you plan.
It can give you anything which you probably never thinking of before.
Unpredictable, but lovely.

We live, we choose.
We definitely can not predict what will happen next. Simply wishing won't help.
Life can give us more than what we hope for.
Think too much won't help if we do nothing, right?


So be young, be restless.





and don't be a teacher's pet. It's so what-a-shame.

Just So You Know

Still a best friend to go to sleep
when it feels so hard to shut my eyes cause
I ---- you too much.

Many Things To Do, So Little Time

Yes, last week many things happened.
From the so-so day until the incredible pelantikan. Pfiuuuh, they were all freaking tired yet awesome.
So far this week goes well, and not so so-so. Hehehehe
I think a lot about my activities nowadays which are less meaningful than before. Rawrrr, I want spice up my life with a or some brand new stuff(s).
I got a confusion with my own passion to be a doctor.................................
Is it all I want?
Do I go to school because of it?

Still a question.

How's your day? How's your lover?
Tell me. Mine is....... ehem.

Helloooo People!

Yes, so many things to do lately. That's why I don't do updating regularly. uuuh!
I'll post any posts sooner, guyssss!

Love ya all,
F

What Doesn't Kill You, Makes You Stronger

I absolutely have my own faith in those words above.
But still.................
When I have to face a so-so day or a not so nice day, I am easily broken into two.
Desperately crying a lot, then wasting my time alone in my room for hours.
Such a nuisance.

My emotion goes up and down quickly and it will drive me less sane.
I don't know, I just got many disappointments today.
From both side, people and myself.
The condition of MESIS cadre definitely.............. well, hurts me.
My Chemistry score stabs me right in the heart.
and I don't have any idea how to relieve my feeling back into the good mood.


I hope I can get some lessons from the went-bad-things.
Still, what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.

This Morning

All I just wanna say is hello.


Greet you, wow.
Smile to you, then I go.

I just wanna say hello.
I don't always do so. Just be careful for missing it, though.

A Quote From The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Daisy: Goodnight, Benjamin.
Benjamin Button: Goodnight, Daisy.




Someday I want to have someone that greets me good night.
Everyday, every night.

Her Name is Mary Jane Oh

taken from here.


She is the mysterious side. The rebel one, the clever one.
Her name is Mary Jane Oh.

Seventeen, with long dark hair and dark eyes.
She got a loveless smile and she loves to keep silent. She enjoys her time alone, with no one knows what she is thinking about. She dresses in black outfit most of the days. Pale skin and not tanned. Her obsession is being a cool one. She doesn't have many words.

She likes to go to school, to study, even though sometimes the lesson might not be her favorite one. She wants to be a rock star someday, or a model maybe.
She doesn't like rain too much, it's damp.
Her dead-love is Mr. Cool Grey.

She hates to wait, but she likes to move.
She is Mary Jane Oh,
not less or more.

A Pray for 16 Things

16. More more more and moooore shoes
anyone wants to help me? ehehe

15. Back to collecting cool t-shirts like the good old days

14. Blackberry Curve 8310

13. Oh yes, I want its silicone more than itself, honestly. :P

12. A Drybox for my DSLR

11. Updating songs in my mp3 player twice a month

10. So does creambath, twice a month
ehehehe

9. Reading many good novels in English

8. Exercising my mind and brain

7. Playing more games

6. Posting a post here regularly

5. A Good Influential Guy

4. Writing a novel and more short stories

3. Studying more seriously and got the best scores!

2. Loving my surroundings more and moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

1. Loving Allah SWT.

16

No many words would be written here.

Just I thank God for being 16 and restless, but happy and loving though.


Cause life's about giving not only hoping....





Thaaanks for all texts and walls in facebook. I love you guys more more and more!

and I got a quite wonderful surprise todaaay! Yeaaay, for details I'll post later.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

xoxo
F-whichisnowsixteen

Scientific Days

I adore science so much, but certainly the lessons really need much attention :'( huhu
I'm feeling down about the exams nowadays. Yeah, it's getting harder and harder.

Since I chose science as my major, I must deal with them. Everybody can deal with it, 'cause simply we do all science-applied things mostly every second of our lives, right?


Wish me luck for those exams, folks!




xoxo
F

Always Be

I roamed the street alone
Wanted a haunted sight of yours
I wandered the park slowly
I looked around,
looked for a magical touch of yours
I typed down these words
Some were yours
but some were not


Like the big part of my mind.
It was not yours,
but a small part of it would always be...

Yes, I Do Love Monday

Well, today was going quite amazing.
My lovely dearest desk mate has shown up in school and I had much laughter to share with her all day. Then, Torik brought me a cool laptop bag and it cost really inexpensive. :D
I'll show you the photo later.

and guess what?
My Chemistry teacher, Ibu Endang, made some klapertart for XI IPA H. Gosh, it was super yummyyyy! By the way, she cancelled the Chemistry exam which we should do todaaaay.

When I got home, my mom told me that she had bought the new contact lenses for me so I could stop using these green ones.


Rawwwrrr, those new lenses are cool. They are grey, lovely. Thanks, Mom!



Hey, I always love Monday. How about you?

Perubahan

Perubahan adalah suatu hal yang pasti di dunia ini, layaknya ketidakpastian.
Perubahan selalu terjadi, entah karena waktu, obsesi, atau lingkungan.
Sekian detik berputar, sekian derajat manusia berubah.
Beberapa orang lebih menyukai suasana statis dibanding perubahan, namun lebih banyak yang mencintai hal baru.
Hal baru itu hebat, bagi mereka.

Saya termasuk mereka. Saya mencintai perubahan seperti saya mencintai pagi. Saya antusias menyambut perubahan bagai antusiasnya saya bermain guitar hero atau masuk ZARA.
Tapi kadang, beberapa perubahan ada yg membutuhkan pengorbanan.
Khususnya perasaan.

Sering kali dan tidak jarang terjadi, perubahan memakan habis perasaan. Memberantas cinta.
Membunuh rasa, juga asa. Kian drastis perubahan, kian dalam luka yang dihasilkan.
Khususnya bagi yang merasa ditinggalkan.

Kita tak bisa menghentikan perubahan, sama seperti kita tidak akan pernah bisa menghentikan waktu. Hari demi hari terlewati dan kemudian semua tidak sama lagi.
Bolehkah saya berkata saya juga termasuk yang ditinggalkan?
Saya termasuk yang dikorbankan?





Pada akhirnya,
waktu dan perubahan yang terjadi membawamu pergi.
Semoga kamu bahagia.













tapi aku akan selalu rindu kamu yang dulu.

Cool

What are so cool?


Having the awesome parents even though often they can be very talkative.
Having many good and best friends who are always beside, who regularly make me laughing my head off.
Having an or some enemy(ies) out there to be cursed, sometimes. ehehe
Having a nice and smart and pretty desk mate. :)
Having an uber-cool class to be in everyday.
Having a secret admirer. wow
Having a blog :P
and having much love to share with surroundings.

Thank God.

Fast and Faster

Sometimes we walk too fast.
We pass too fast.
Like the time goes faster.
And I breath faster, too.



You are so fast, fast, and faster. Ah, you left me here, dear.
Or hmm... did I leave you?

Wishes

I wish I could let you change then I could let you go.
I wish I could let you do those things.
I wish I could be free with no pain inside anymore.
I wish I could stay through the day, even this hurts me so bad.

I wish we could be friends like you said.
I wish you didn't come as my nightmare, but as a nice dream.
I wish you smiled to me (zzz)
I wish I could be in love with anyone else, but I can't.
I'm alone, no sadness but be friends with pain and wound you made.

and I wish you could understand me...
How this is so difficult to me,
cause I love you so bad and I miss you lately, again.
Although you hurt me that much.

Thank God

Thanks for the visitors! :D
By the time I write this post, this blog page has been clicked for 1003 times. Yuhuuuuuuu!

Violet Hill

1. Put your music on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 12 friends who might enjoy doing the memo as well as the person you got the memo from.


1. If someone says "is this okay?" you say..
Break Apart Her Heart - Good Charlotte

2. What would best describe your personality?
4 am In The Morning - Gwen Stefani

3. What do you like in a guy/girl?
The Take Over, The Breaks Over - Fall Out Boy

4. How do you feel today?
Mary Jane Shoes - Fergie ft. Rita

5. What is your motto?
Read My Mind - The Killers

6. What is your life's purpose?
But It's Better If You Do - Panic! At The Disco

7. What do your friends think of you?
The 4th Avenue Cafe - L'Arc En Ciel

8. What do you think about very often?
When I'm Gone - Eminem

9. What is 2+2?
Cool - Gwen Stefani

10. What do you think of your best friend?
Photo - Ryan Cabrera

11. What do you think of the person you like?
Sephia - Sheila on 7 (???)

12. What is your life story?
You'll Be in My Heart - Phill Collins

13. What do you want to be when you grow up?
When The Sun Goes Down - Arctic Monkeys

14. What will they play at your funeral?
The Scientist - Coldplay

15. What will you dance to at your wedding?
Bones - The Killers

16. What do you think when you see the person you like?
Sabda Alam - White Shoes and The Couple co.

17. What is your hobby/interest?
Oh, It is Love - Hellogoodbye

18. What is your biggest secret?
Cry Me A River - Justin Timberlake (ehem)

19. What's the worst thing that could happen?
Hate (I Really Don't Like You) - Plain White T's

20. What makes you cry?
Romansa Cinta - Samsons

21.What makes you laugh?
Remembering You - Steven Curtis Chapman

22. What is the one thing you regret?
Home - Michael Buble

23. Will you ever get married?
Light Up The Sky - Yellowcard

24. What scares you most?
Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne

25 What will you post this as?
Violet Hill - Coldplay



Tagged : Anyone Who Read This

Little Miss Sunshine

A Family on The Verge of A Breakdown





Have you ever watched this?
It's about a hectic family who got their own problems and....... dreams.

While there are a lot of problems in it,
Olive, the little daughter wants to attend a final of beauty pageant outside the city they live.
So, all of the family members decide to take Olive there and one by one, their problems are solved....

Well, I watched this film when I was still 13, still in the 2nd Grade of Junior High, but I'm in love with it until now.
This film is quite quirky but it tells us many lessons. About love, family, and life stuffs.
About how to deal with problems and the fact wherever we roam, we'll return to our family at last.


It is really worth to watch!
Yeah, 'cause life-even sometimes it's cruel and bitchy-is still a great thing to live and enjoy....

What We Want

Don't we? :)


taken from : here

Chasing Pavements

Every human only lives once, right?
So why don't we struggle for things we want?
So why don't we try to get what we wanna achieve?
So why don't we go and make a move?
So why don't we live as happy as we can be?

Why don't we just keep chasing pavements?
///even if it leads nowhere....................................





inspired by "Chasing Pavements"- Adele

Don't Know Why - Norah Jones

I waited 'til I saw the sun
I don't know why I didn't come
I left you by the house of fun
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come

When I saw the break of day
I wished that I could fly away
Instead of kneeling in the sand
Catching teardrops in my hand

My heart is drenched in wine
But you'll be on my mind
Forever

Out across the endless sea
I would die in ecstasy
But I'll be a bag of bones
Driving down the road along

My heart is drenched in wine
But you'll be on my mind
Forever

Something has to make you run
I don't know why I didn't come
I feel as empty as a drum
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come


One sentence conquers all : I fall for this song!

Nobody Said It Was Easy

No one ever said, it would be this hard.
Oh, take me back to the start...........................................

Missing Part

I miss some good old days, some good old friends.
I miss the sun finally, even I love rain that much.
I miss the stars, cause I can't see them in the sky when the dark clouds are there.
I miss my time with my camera.
I miss a Quiche from Stabucks.

and the worst,
I miss your hands that close my eyes from behind.

If a Sight Could Kill.................

for sure, you'd been killed.



Simply 'cause I always look at your eyes most of the time we bump into.

but you don't realize it, do you?

Super Busy Week

Whoaaah, you know what, this week is ultra tiring and super busy.
Yeah, I made that conclusion although it has not ended yet cause I still got Friday to go within a Religion exam.......
Geez.

So far, I did my best on the examination... Woah, I haven't known yet about those scores.

Thank God, the physics exam is cancelled and will be held on next Thursday. Yuhuuu!

How was your day?












Tell me.

Feel The Spirit

February is fabulous.
Like me? For sure. Wahaha. I'm kinda vain -__-



Even out there the rain still pours much and I'm gonna go through an exam week,
I still can feel the spirit of February, yeaaay!


Hope you guys get the best from Feb and don't forget to make a distinctive bold action this month!

xoxo,
F