3 Hari untuk Selamanya (Day 1)

Assalamualaikum!
Woah, Subang itu ternyata kerrrrren banget. Awalnya sih, saya sempet mikir kalo perjalanan ini bakalan menyebalkan dan..... capek.
Tapi ternyata, perkiraan saya salah total.


Semua siswa SMA N 8 Jakarta kelas XI harus melaksanakan TeSIS 2008 untuk persyaratan naik ke kelas XII. Lokasinya di Desa Tambakmekar, Kecamatan Jalan Cagak, Kabupaten Subang, Jawa Barat. Acara ini berlangsung tanggal 27-29 Desember 2008 kemarin.


Belum apa-apa, pas apel pra keberangkatan, semua udah siap-siap kamera buat foto-foto.



Tepat jam 8 semua bus siap ninggalin sekolah menuju Desa Tambakmekar.
Perjalanannya memakan waktu sekitar 3 jam lebih, karena belum jam 13.00 kami sudah sampai. Hawa dingin langsung terasa biarpun matahari tetap bersinar terik seperti di Jakarta. Bedanya, di sini ga ada polusi dan asap berlebihan.

Dengan teganya, panitia TeSIS mengadakan upacara kedatangan. Acara ini pun berlangsung seperti pemanggangan ayam karena matahari di atas lagi terik banget ga ada ampun sama sekali. Kelas saya tercinta, XI IPA H udah siap dan baris rapi tuh. Tapi ternyata... Bus XI IPA C telat jadi semua nunggu sambil foto-foto (lagi) deh...

Abis itu, kami semua per kelompok dipertemukan dengan hostparents-nya. Maklum, semua siswa bakalan tinggal di rumah warga asli. Kelompok saya, kelompok 30 dan kelompok 29 perempuan ditempatkan di rumah Bapak Saklan.
Mulai deh, kami yang bersepuluh ini : Saya, Aless, Dina, Aci, Gadis, Tasya, Fey, Bella, Icil, dan Odong berkeliling venue upacara pembukaan di lapangan Balai Desa mencari bapak-bapak yang memegang kertas bernomor 29 dan 30.

Tiga kali keliling lapangan, tapi hasilnya.... nihil.

Huaaaaa, kami semua mulai panik krn kelompok-kelompok lain sudah berhasil menemukan rumah singgahnya, sedangkan kami belum.
Aci pun mencoba melapor pada Pak Edy yang berdiri di depan dengan mic dan tadi memimpin jalannya acara pemanggangan, tapi dicuekin.

Jadilah kami kelompok 29 dan 30 sempat luntang-lantung nyari bapak-bapak bernama Saklan.
Lagi asik bengon mencari, beberapa teman saya melihat seorang wanita paruh baya berjilbab dengan tinggi 150an datang membawa kertas bertuliskan 29 dan 30.

Kontan kami semua senang! Lalala, ternyata beliau ini Ibu Saklan.
"Bu, bapaknya mana?" tanya seseorang dari kami begitu sampai di rumahnya.
"Bapaknya di Jakarta".

Ngeeek, jadi anak SMA 8 tukeran sama Pak Saklan dong? Hahahaha

Ya, rumah yang kami tempati ini agak unik. Bentuknya mungil dengan dua kamar sederhana berisi kasur, guling, dan bantal kapuk juga TV tua zaman tahun 70an, sebuah kamar mandi tanpa lampu neon, rak piring, dan musala.

Biarpun sederhana, rumah Bu Saklan ini sangat bersih. Apalagi, rumah ini terpisah dari rumah utama yg memiliki dapur dan TV warna 21 inch. Bisa jadi, rumah ini hanya dipakai bila ada tamu.

Baru beberapa menit menaruh ransel dan menyelonjorkan kaki, tiba-tiba Bu Saklan datang...



membawakan makan siang!
Yum yum, pas banget sama perut kami yang lapar dan kepanasan karena dijemur tadi. Langsung ludes deh menu hari pertama yaitu ikan bumbu kecap dan tahu. Ga lupa kerupuk dan sambelnya te op pe be ge te!

Sehabis makan, kami semua leha-leha sejenak. Di jadwal sih, masih termasuk jam isoma. Kami pun berinisiatif memakai waktu observasi lingkungan jam 14.30 hari itu sebagai waktu untuk penelitian. Kami pun menyebarkan kuisioner ke daerah sekitar dan sore itu juga, kami telah berhasil mendapatkan 65 responden untuk penelitian kami.

OH IYA!!!
Saya lupa bilang bahwa judul TeSIS kelompok 30 adalah Pengaruh Pendidikan terhadap Profesi Masyarakat

Selesai membagikan kuisioner dan mengumpulkannya kembali, saya, Dina, Aci, Dias, dan Derrie sepakat untuk naik bukit ke atas menuju tempat rekreasi yang letaknya di atas bukit. Jadi nanjak gitu.
Melewati pesantren Asy-Syifa yang heboh digembar-gemborkan di 8, kami pun befoto ria.





Nah, waktu bagiin kuisioner, Derrie, Edwin, Saya, dan Odong sempat berulang kali ucap salam di sebuah rumah,
namun sepiiiiiiiiiiiii...
ga ada jawaban...........

Eh ternyata ada tulisan ini di dinding rumahnya...





Hahahahaha. Payah deh ga kelihatan karena kecil.

Ehh, pada akhirnya jalan yang bengkok, penuh gua galian batu di kanan kiri, dan nanjak menuju tempat rekreasi sama sekali tidak membuat kami antusias. Pada akhirnya, kami semua memutuskan turun karena bingung apa yg ingin kami lakukan di sana.
Ini deh gambar galian batunyaaaaa.



Kami pun
pulang, mandi, makan malam, ngobrol sebentar, dan tidur. Hehehe capek sih...
Gimana dong?:P


Oh ya, hari pertama kedengaran suara gukguk kaing kaing dari luar dan kebanyakan dari kami pada ga bisa tidur, jd jam11 deh baru pada nyerah....
tepar sampe pagi. hehehe



Sekian hari pertamanya. Lanjut ke post berikutnya ya! :D

Hello Jakarta!

YES! I just returned from Subang, yesterday.
The trip was really fun, adventurous, opening the minds, and the thing I felt hard to leave was the food!


Photos and many stories in the next posts!

Back to The Game

I figure my life out. That for a while has been too.. shallow?

I am disturbed knowing a condition that now I have got no time to read good books like the old days when I was in junior high.

Feeling not so knowledgeable hurts me you know... huhu

Well, reading books is not the only way to open mind, right?
We can watch TV, read newspaper, or just browse from Google about the hottest topics nowadays.


Unfortunately, me do not those things above either...

I have to wake up, get up, and run from this shallowness.

Not I have to, but I must.
Back to the life. Back to the game.

Princess Lessons

-All you need to know to be a princess.




This book was first published in 2003.
Woah! It has been 5 years-going to-6 years then.
But I still love this book up to now. Whenever I'm down, I read this and it makes me better.

Meg Cabot is a brilliant and funny author. So far, I always love her works and read each more than twice for sure.
I started to like her works since the first Princess Diaries was published. If I'm not mistaken, I was in the 5th grade. It makes me smile a lot, even worse laughing my head off. :P

Princess Lessons is still about Mia Thermopolis, the wacky-but-cool-and-love-to-write princess from Princess Diaries series. This one tells you all about the stuffs and how to be a princess. From the beauty until the character of a cool princess are written here in a funny way, so you won't be able to put this book down when you've started.






Maybe at first you will think this book just waste your time, but as you read this book, you'll know that your first thought is untrue.
Being a princess is not an unimportant fairytale.

It's all how to be good, actually.
Not only good in your look,

but in your heart, too..

Packing and Things

I've done packing! Yuhuuuu.

Yes, I'm leaving for Desa Tambakmekar tomorrow. It's located in Kabupaten Subang, West Java.
My school will have a kind of field trip there and the students should research about the people.
I don't know why but I really got a big enthusiasm facing this trip. Hehehe

Jakarta is sooo boring, rawrrrr!

Today I went to supermarket with mom and bought things for the trip.
Wore this :



Lack of jeans and shirts because of that trip... :(

How was today for you?



I miss my IPA H so muuuuuuch.

Stealing Black, Chasing White

Brand new name for this blog! Yippi.






It has got more than one meanings...

1. Steal the right opportunity to do something"black" and keep up with chasing "white".
2. Do something "black" but focusing on "white" things.
3. Try more black outfits and put white accessories on.
4. Show the "black" side but improve it to "white".
5. Mix the black and the white because life is not that monochrome....

Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid

But then it will be a question and invite much curiosity, right?

Twinkle Twinkle Little Stars

Actually, I do not know when exactly I started to really like everythings with stars shape, stars picture on it, stars graphic, stars, stars, and stars.
I really like it without any special reasons. Just because stars look so nice in my eyes.

Stars are something that have their own light, right?
That's what makes stars really awesome for me. They show their own ability and shine!

However, I'm not kind of people who like to collect something. I don't collect anything even though I like them so much. Hehe

But, if I see a cool stuffs in stars shape of course I will be drolling and crazy about it. :P

Sadly, I don't have any shirts in stars pattern. Huhuhu
I really want to buy one, but I always don't get the right timing like lack of pocket money. Hehe

So one of my resolutions for 2009 is a stars pattern shirt.
Anyone wanna help?

Chat Log Viewer and Tears

I promise this is the last time I write about my unhealthy emotional quotient.

Yes, this evening I signed in my WLM and then did chatting with some of friends. Somehow, our conversation stuck on thing called log. Well, I've just known that Messenger plus has got chat log as one of its features. My friend told me how to see the log, I became curious and check that out.

Of course you guys who got MSN plus know well what chat log viewer.
You can see and read the so-long-time chat with your friends, boyfriend, or maybe...
ex-boyfriend.



The most stupid thing was I clicked on that account.
Reading our last chat before the end.

Certainly, I won't copy those sentences here because it's really private.

Do I miss those days? No, I guess I don't.
But remembering the good old days might kill me.
It drove me crazy at first, and my tears were falling down on my cheeks like a river with salmons live in it.

After the tears finished falling down and my nose became absolutely runny,
I closed the chat log viewer, then I felt something what burdens me all time had disappeared.
Weird, huh?
Yeah, but that was all I felt.














Maybe I just miss those days...
But I believe,
Somehow, God know the best.

What Are So Irresistible For Me?

This is the count down of things which are so irresistible for me! :)

5. Books















4. Sushi



especially Crispy Roll by Sushi Tei.

3. Leather Jacket!







2. Badzmaru >,<



Even though I just have one doll of him. Hihi


and the most irresistible...






1. Facebook and WLM

Well, this two things have become my lifestyle. Of course not only me, everyone takes these two as their habits, right? :P




So, what are the irresistible things for you?

My Favourite Designer is

Abigail Lorick.

Yes, my first salary someday will go to my mom and a dress by Lorick.

Wear Your Mask

Wear your mask
Close your eyes
Hide your tears

Wear your mask
Blinking eyes
Hold your pain

Wear your mask
you're okay
really okay

Wear your mask
you should laugh
not crying

Wear your mask
put a single smile
put the amused act and jokes

Wear your mask
because
the true feeling is a real private thing.

Don't ever show it to someone who hurts you most...

Bukan Cuma Seonggok Daging yang Bisa Berbicara, Berjalan, dan Punya Nama

Lihat judul post ini aja pasti udah pada tahu deh.
Yaaaa, jujur saya telat banget bangetan nih. Berhubung sibuk ini itu, hobi saya yang bernama membaca sudah lama terlantar dan mulai tumbuh ilalang. Ibaratnya sih kalo rumah ya sudah ada sarang laba-laba lengkap sama Mbak K. hahaha

Ya, jujur sekali..... Awalnya, novel ini kurang menarik perhatian saya. Hmm, saya sukanya novel dengan cover eye-catching, atau ya paling gak dengan resensi yang spoiler berat gitu. Dangkal abis ya? Hehe. Padahal dalam sehari-hari, saya memegang teguh Don't Judge A Book by Its Cover, tapi nyatanya dalam kehidupan toko buku saya jauh dari kalimat itu..... hehe

Suatu hari di kelas XI IPA H, tempat saya bernaung dan menghabiskan waktu 8,5 jam setiap hari Senin-Jumat kedapatan tugas dari Bu Bahasa Indonesia untuk mengerjakan tugas resensi buku fiksi a.k.a novel.
Woah, saya langsung semangat bikin deh berhubung bahasa Indonesia adalah satu dari sekian pelajaran bahasa favorit saya. Saya kan maniak bahasa. Hehehe
Terus saya bikin deh resensi dari novel favorit saya sepanjang masa, Lukisan Hujan.

Waktu tugas dikumpulkan, teman-teman saya sibuk saling tukeran resensi, melihat karya temannya yang lain. Teman sebangku saya, Alessandra, atau yg akrab dipanggil Ales bikin resensi 5 cm. Hmm, saya baca deh resensi yang Ales bikin. Lalu saya berhasil jadi penasaran........................................... dan saya akhirnya
pinjam deh ke dia. Hehe

Baca awal-awal sih saya sangat terkesan sama pengetahuan Donny Dhirgantoro sama lagu. Woah, dia menulis lagu keren-keren yang saya suka di novel ini. Biarpun banyak diisi percakapan tapi bahasa yang digunakan ringan banget, jadi ga gambang bosen.



Baru baca setengah jalan, novelnya dipinjem sama Mama. Jadinya ketunda deh. Ketunda lamaaaaa banget. Sekitar 3-4 minggu lebih baru deh saya melanjutkan proyek menamatkan 5 cm. Tapi sayangnya tiap mau menamatkan, ketunda lagi. Ada ini, itu, ini, itu. Weleh-weleh, orang buku 379 halaman aja butuh waktu lamaaaaa banget namatinnya. Hehehe

Akhirnya, kemarin saya berhasil membabat habis buku ini. Cerita ini bercerita tentang 5 orang sahabat dekat yang melakukan perjalanan dimana mereka mendapatkan banyak hal penting dari perjalanan itu sehingga mereka bukan sekedar seonggok daging yang bisa berbicara, berjalan, dan punya nama.

Setelah membaca novel ini, spirit hidup saya jadi meningkat dan ingin naik gunung! :D

5 cm bakalan banyak banget ngasih pengetahuan juga quote-quote bagus buat pegangan hidup.

Jadi nyesel pernah judge a book by its cover...

Monday!

Yes, this is Monday. The most favourite day of the week! :D

Now, I'm home. Still got up at 7 even though last night I slept at 11 pm.
I don't wanna go anywhere today, wanna enjoy this Monday. yuhuuuu

I'm always looking forward to Monday hehe

So, what are you guys doing?
Since my school became clearly annoying with schooldays-but-no-teachers-at all, I'm very lazy to go to my scool. Because, there's nothing I can do there.

Enjooooy your Monday, folks! :D

Agreement

QUIT BEING NITE-LATER.


Can I? hehe. I don't know.....................

Need Some TV Time

Waktu berjalan sangat cepat ya!
Sampe-sampe saya akhirnya sadar sering kali saya kelewatan banyak hal yang terjadi.
Sibuk dari waktu ke waktu bikin manusia urban sering lupa makan, sering lupa ada orang di sekitar, bahkan lupa berdoa. -____-
Rasanya baru seminggu yang lalu pekan remedial, eh sekarang udah menuju TeSIS.

Hmm kelompok saya masih belom ada persiapan yang matang banget sih, tapi paling kami udah punya tema yang lumayan deh. Hehehe

Can't wait for Subang!


Beberapa hari ini juga jadi sering ninggalin Mama di rumah. Saya pergi muluuu. Di rumah cuma numpang makan, mandi, tidur terus abis itu melakukan banyak hal.

Lalu saya terjebak suatu percakapan dengan Thito a.k.a Rupert Gardstone tadi siang di Rapat Kaderisasi MESIS.

*menonton iklan Star World di TV*
F : "to.. gue sebulan ga nyampe kali nonton TV 93 jam.."
T : "Hah? Masa Rin? Gue kayaknya lebih deh"
F : "Iyaaa To, gue udah lama banget ga nonton TV"
T : "Biarpun cuma iklan2nya, Rin?"
F : "Iyaaaaaaa"

Dan saat saya tiba di rumah,
akhirnya saya menyadari, tombol On/Off TV di kamar saya sudah berdebu tebal...

Name Generator

This is a real fun :

Rum&Monkey British Nickname Generator


find out what's yours! :D

Mine is Emily Watson.

Why?

A single tears won't hurt you,
not even close with drifting your memory
If it is so hurtful, why you keep that thing?

A super dazzling smile won't kill you,
not even close to kill him from your mind
If it is so meaningful, why you try to make it go away?

A magical feeling won't let you down,
not even close to make you broken into pieces
If it is so wonderful,
why you want it never happened?
Why?

(Not)Clear

Have you ever got any problems that you think it hasn't been clear yet?

People have it.
As a human, normally we avoid the trouble or........ hm the troublemaker.
Me? I'm kind of it. I'd like to pass by a troublemaker that made a trouble with me, choose to say nothing even though he/she greets me.

Sorry,
but it doesn't mean I'm so cruel or something, then. Personally, I take it as a sign.
A sign that the trouble between me and the troublemaker hasn't finished and been clear yet. -_____________-

I really knew the way that if I put my ego first, everything would be more complicated.

and I did that way. geeeeeeeeeeeeez

Hell Yeah

I'm literally not feeling okay. I'm having such a really really really bad mood. I don't have any exact reasons why, but today was just so absurd.
I went to school today, but I found there's nothing in it to learn. It was so boring after all. and then I accompanied Vania going to Grand Indonesia in purpose finding accessories for her. She wanted the white pearl ones. Next, we met Aya, had steak for lunch then I studied at ILP, while there had a Saman Dance practicing for this end of week competition.

I got home, Vania canceled our plan to do fitness. I signed in my WLM then chitchat. Longing for a while then my bad mood came. Hell, yeah.

We Just Don't Know

We just don't know why school is still going out there.
I just don't know where you are now.............................. geez

L------------

Have you ever felt this kind of feeling?

Yeah, I know you have.
Everyone has.
Love is such an irresistible thing.
You might not ask for it, but once it comes to you, you'll never be able to give up on it.

And It'll be like.....................
many stars upon your head.
And you can't sleep at all, because for the first time in your life, finally the real life become more fantastic than the dream itself.

But it is not always in that way, not that smooth, and often rough.
The heart's problem. You may give up, but you're in love.



Will you do whatever it takes to keep what you love?

I'm the kind who will. But not everyone does the same thing.
Some choose letting go, even though they're so in romance and what they get after letting go just suffering. Setting someone free won't be the best way.
Love's kinda possessive, somehow. and how it is going, definitely based on human's instinct.

Break up may be the worst thing.
May be the most horrible thing.

It won't be easy for everyone in this entire world. Arranging your feeling again, making it up again, preparing it for being alive alone (without the ex anymore), and the thing I hate the most is forgetting.

How people nowadays are easily changing, forgetting, and hurting.

I wish I could do those 3 things above, but I can not and I will not.

I won't hurt nor even change for the revenge sake, and forgetting,
I'll exactly not do it.

What we have today is only memory.
When we lose it, does not mean that you're strong enough to get back into life.
When we lose it, it shows us how weak we are. It shows us how we can not stay alive with the memory inside our lives. We make the memory remains, but we don't make it as something that burdens us.


Anyway, love is a gift. You'll never know who you will fall for.

Opportunity

Once it knocks and you don't give the answer,
It will never approach you again.

My School and A Boy Out There

Tomorrow will be a school day, again.
Geez, why is it schooling when the pupils have already fed up with those stuffs called lesson?
My school has it, what differs it with other school is no ended-soon day. Even if it's the first day.
Yeah, the rumor said tomorrow would be a first the day of the second semester.

How could they? It's not even New Year's Eve yet.

My school depresses me sometimes. or......... hmmm, often.
The tasks and so on and so on, let me forget about how wonderful this world is. :'(
and make time moves faster and faster each day.

It would take like about two or three pages if wrote all hell things about my school.
But by the way, deep inside me I love going to it. :P


and A Boy Out There.
Who is he?
Someone. Hehe
I don't have many words too describe him and I don't have any senses to share about him with you guys. All I need is bravery.



Gosh, I hate to say this but.....................
Cheers for the school day!

xoxo

Disguise

Have you ever felt some kind of emptiness inside?
You will never measure up,
To those people, you must be strong
Can't show them that you're weak

Have you ever told someone something that's far from the truth?
Let them know that you're okay
Just to make them stop
All the wondering, and questions they may have

I'm okay
I really am nowJust needed some time, to figure things out
Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you
Still we don't know what's yet to come

Have you ever seen your face in the mirror there's a smile
But inside you're just a mess
You feel far from good
Need to hide, cause they'd never understand

Have you ever had this wish, of being somewhere else?
To let go of your disguise
All your worries too
From that moment, that you see things clear

I'm okay
I really am now
Just needed some time, to figure things out
Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you
Still we don't know, what's yet to come

Are you waiting for the day when your pain will disappear?
When you know that's not true
what they say about you?
Couldn't care less bout the things surrounding you
Ignoring all the voices from my wall

I'm okay
I really am now
Just needed some time, to figure things out
Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you
Still we don't know, what's yet to come..........

(Disguise - Lene Marlin)






This song throbs me a lot,



it feels so sad when you have to disguise. Making a smile when inside you're just crying.
Set a happy & lively face but the truth you're just like a zombie. No spirit at all.
Put the best stuffs on you to make you feel more secure, after all those stuffs don't work.
You can not show them you're weak because you are supposed to be strong.
You can not show how hurt you are and pretend everything's alright.
Tell 'em you're happy because if you told the truth, they'd never understand.
You put a smiley face, lively voice, funny jokes, and clearly laughters, but those all are only your disguise.


Disguise?
For me, it's the only way to make you look alive,
the only way to make you look still sane,
the only way to cover the truth
that deep down inside your soul is tortured
and already insane......


One thing last, I'm still waiting for the day when my pain will disappear.

Katy Perry Rocksss!

She's just oh so cute! and her songs are perfectly throbbing. :P

How To Be Britney Spears

Hey, don't get a bad thought just because of the title. I just admire her a lot nowadays and I wanna write about her a little bit.
Back to few years ago,
She was a great superstar, superb well-known for sure, and absolutely majestic.
Pretty, young, rich, and famous. She could get anything she wanted. Justin Timberlake was beside her. and maybe she could ask anything more............

but life always got its own cycle.

when her film was not be able to break the market, she broke up with Justin, she married with a totally wrong guy for only a day, then divorced, in next to no time she married with K-Fed, had a baby, and then her album-blackout-was not really cool like her previous albums.

How was it for her?

She was depressed for sure. Three times tried to commit suicide, had a gold-digger husband, became out of place, and although she was still loaded, her life was just too sucks.


Really, if I were her, I could not deal with those solemn problems.
Geez, how would you feel if you were on the top then you fell?
How would you feel if you were on heaven then God kick you to the hell?

I was seeking for a role model which can show me how to stay alive after got many kicks and stabs, and there she is. The new Britney Spears.
She's coming back into her world, trying to get back what she had lost for those few years, and so damn beautiful.

Have you watched her newest video, "Circus"? For god sake, she's really coming back.







and some say if her hair is blonde, that means she's happy.

She is an example,
one of many people who are succeeded dealing with their lives.




If those Britney's problems happened to you,
would you be alive again like she just did?

Nowadays

Hellooooo I'm back. :DD
I really want to post something but I have no time at all yesterday and the two days previous. I had lotta things to do. Hehe
Well, Today I've just done my History's remedial and my dad has just arrived from Pekanbaru.
Tomorrow, I spent whole day with my best friends. It was Dina's and Lala's Birthday so I, Dwi, Aless, Aci, Dias, Feriz, Ale, and Derrie made surprise for them.

Aaaah, I want to post the photos but I forgot to bring my SLR yesterday so we used Emir's camera to take some picts and I haven't borrow his memory card so badly.

Today I'm having badmood but by my dad's arrival it becomes better and now I don't feel bad anymore. Yeah, maybe I'm just tired and need some days off that exactly I can not own because tomorrow there will be a party and I want to buy some shoes before it...
But I just don't know whether my dad will gimme some money or not. Hehe

and after a very long time I'd been dreaming, I watched Twilight yesterday. yuhuuuu

Woaaah, was it a lil bit late? or really fashionably late? hahaha
I likeee Jasper! and of course, Edward. Geeeezz, if he really existed, he would be mine ever after. :P
Hmm, although I was a little bit upset because less or more the film is still not exactly the same with the story that I've read, It didn't matter because the actors and the actress are superb and gorgeous.

How's your life, by the way?

...the reason why hard to forgive because there's no one ask for it.

Kamu tahu?
Hal yang paling sulit dilakukan adalah merapikan hati.

Ketika hati sudah pecah, hancur, tidak berbentuk,
Ketika hati sudah sulit disusun lagi, dengan ujung tajam yang tiap disentuh hanya terasa sakit
Ketika hati sudah berbentuk serpihan, melukai dengan dalam siapa pun yang mencoba membereskannya

Kamu coba pungut satu per satu serpihan yang ada, jelas itu menggoresmu,
membuat lukamu yang hampir kering berdarah lagi,
tapi
Kamu tahan rasa sakitnya,
Kamu bawakan lem, Kamu susun sedemikian rupa sehingga sama seperti bentuk awal,



tapi percuma.



Karena suatu yang pecah dan hancur,
sudah kehilangan bentuk aslinya.












Dan kamu tinggalkan pecahan itu begitu saja.
Ketika melewatinya, kamu bisa apa?
Kamu tidak akan melakukan apa-apa.

Kamu ingin membereskan serpihan, menyapunya, lalu membuangnya ke tong sampah.

Tapi............. kamu tidak bisa.

Semua serpihan melukaimu dengan dalam.
Merobek-robek hatimu yang masih tersisa.
Membuat sisa hatimu tak lama kemudian.......... mati.


Kenangan akan berfungsi seperti parasetamol.
Itu akan menghilangkan rasa sakit sesaat tapi kemudian rasa sakit itu akan kembali dan kenangan yang ada malah akan membuat air mata jatuh, tanpa harga.

Lalu ketika kamu merasa dirimu sudah cukup hampa, kamu memilih terpaku.
Benci dan rindu yang tersimpan di dadamu akan meluap dan membuat kamu emosi,
sesaat, tapi mematikan.
Dan seketika sesuatu yang pernah kamu simpan berubah jd segenggam kebencian.

Kebencian karena disakiti? Bisa jadi.
Tapi mungkin itu kebencian karena kamu ingin melakukan sesuatu, tp kamu tidak bisa.

Kamu akan sulit tidur, lalu memilih diam depan laptopmu.
Menatap kosong ke layarnya tanpa rasa ngantuk sekalipun jari-jarimu sudah terasa ngilu. Kamu bertahan, diam, tanpa senyum.



...Menulis sebuah post tanpa judul, lalu menangis.

Hate

I'm feeling not comfortable.
Too many heartthrobs, much loneliness and emptiness inside of me. Today.
Even though, I spent a lot of time with my buddies but after I got home and being alone, that emptiness would kill my soul, again.

I hate being alone.
Yeah, everybody does.

Mean

I'm so mean.
......................am I?
I don't know. You never tell.

I'm that mean.
......................am I?
I don't know. It's your turn to screw up but you never do.
I'm really mean.
......................am I?
I don't know. I just did those things to make you happy.
to make you happy.

by all means.

...

Hell yeah, I'm not that tough.
I get up everyday and believe my nightmare has already ended................

but it has not yet. I know it will be.

....and everyday I pray to God that you can live your best life too.

HOOOORAY!

Si calon dokter bedah yang ga tau apa itu virus dengue mendapatkan 80.00 untuk sumatif Biologi semester ini. :DDD
Alhamdulillaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.